77 Inches of Bad Decisions in a Cheap Yellow T-Shirt

Dear Darling Ones,

I’ve been thinking about Influencers today because I read a Buzzfeed listicle about shitty, entitled Influencers who wanted free things because of their influence. Barf. Influencer culture fascinates me in a rubber-necking an accident on the side of the road kind of way. I know what it is and yet I don’t get why any sane, rational person would follow an Influencer or be influenced by one. It’s all so gross, and yet one of my favorite hobbies is judging everyone involved. Harshly. There is much harsh judgment. It’s fun.

Influencers were also on my mind because I spent, I don’t know, two hours picking out new stickers for my new computer. Did I drop the stomach-aching-sum of $2K on a new computer? Yes? Am I also going to cover that paean to modern design and technology in goofy stickers? Also, yes. In case you’re wondering, this is the current stick sitch on Gladys, my seven-year-old MacBook Air.

The entire time I did this pointless, procrastinatory shopping I had the scene between Tai & Travis Birkenstock from “Clueless” running through my head. Unlike Travis, I was not focusing on one main decorative statement. Instead, I went for all the pop culture detritus that defines my personality: ampersands, song lyrics, movie quotes, and book nerd things.

While playing the movie Clueless from memory I also thought of my own influences: Liz Phair, Greek Mythology, e.e. cummings, Elizabeth McCracken, Scott Hutchison, Jennifer Egan,* Aimee Bender, Paul Westerberg, Kurt Vonnegut, Almost Famous, High Fidelity, Sweet Valley High, Beverly Cleary, The Outsiders, Neko Case, Lucinda Williams, Happy Days, and Heathers.

Then, of course, I thought of stuff I could be influential about. Aside from that one time I was almost a tree influencer, I couldn’t come up with anything. Which is good, because you shouldn’t listen to me. I’m seventy-seven inches of bad decisions in a cheap yellow t-shirt.

However, when I was eating lunch at 3 p.m. (don’t ask) this afternoon I looked up from my sesame bagel with peanut butter and sliced apples and noticed the scene pictured above. It was a box of Ghost DOTS** made by the Tootise company chilling next to two Tootsie Pops I keep in that thing I keep all kinds of junk in. I took that picture and then took a selfie of me wearing the wise old owl shirt.

Is this what it is to be influential? Do you have the sudden desire to eat glow-in-the-dark color DOTS? What if I told you that the #4 most popular post on this here website is Tootsie Pop Flavors: A Definitive Ranking? Will that make you want a delicious, orange Tootsie Pop?

Should I be hitting up the Tootsie Corporation for some fat influential cash? Or at the very least some more DOTS? I need more, because I ate that entire box of Ghost DOTS in less than twelve hours.

See what I mean by bad decisions in a cheap t-shirt?

*Last night after Family Dinner we Zoomed with Portland & Oakland. At one point Sister #2 made everyone talk about what they were reading. When Jaycie popped up a copy of Jennifer Egan’s A Visit from the Goon Squad I squealed with joy.

**Last night before Family Dinner, Maxwell walked into Supergenius HQ and said, “I got you a gift.” Then he handed over the Ghost DOTS and it made my heart glow because I love DOTS and I love that he remembered how much I love DOTS. Being remembered for things is my jam.

(Visited 49 times, 1 visits today)

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.