The COVID Diaries: Refinanced

So, Darling Ones, I closed on the Supergenius HQ’s refinance yesterday and now our long, national nightmare is over. Just kidding, our actual national nightmare continues, unabated, because Republicans are greedy, immoral monsters with no conscience and continue to support the fascist, racist gameshow host in chief. Ugh. Barf. However, I no longer have to worry about a $24K balloon payment looming at me in…

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The COVID Diaries: Augustness

Ain’t it just like a dame to celebrate her 20th anniversary and then fuck-off into the ether for three weeks with nary a peep? Who am I kidding? Nobody cares about personal blogs anymore and they hardly notice if you go a day or six months without updating. I remember back in the 2003-2005 heyday when people who email me if I missed a few…

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Uffda! This Blog is 20 Years Old Today

Well, fuck. How did this even happen? This blog is twenty years old today. And let me stop you right there fellas who want to tell me about the blog they started in 1998, I don’t care. Also, fuck off and let me have this one. I’ve been putting on this production for twenty-fucking-years, it’s okay to let this one thing on this one day…

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The COVID Diaries: Anti-Bummers? Anti-Bummers!

Lest you forget, Anti-Bummers are a concept I completely stole without permission from my friend Carrie. You should know she has a new book coming out next month. It’s called The Whitsun Daughters, and you should buy it because Carrie is an excellent writer and the original creator of Anti-Bummers. Anti-Bummer #1 My nephew’s girlfriend recently introduced him to the movie “Best in Show,” and…

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The COVID Diaries: Tastes Good Like a Winston Should

When Jaycie & Max were wee ones there were certain rules I’d make them recite before they could use my digital camera. No pictures of the TV No pictures of people’s butts Something else I can’t remember The rules came about because on holiday, when they were four or five, Max and Jaycie took a picture of everyone’s butt. The next holiday Max lined up…

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The COVID Diaries: Damn

Damn. Damn. Damn. I don’t know where to begin. Oh wait. To begin: Black lives matter. Police departments across the country are violent, destructive, racist organizations that should be abolished immediately. I liked this idea in theory and then I really super loved it when I read this series of posters asking you to imagine the alternative. I had never imagined the alternative, because as…

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The COVID Diaries: Wrong

Here’s what I can’t stop thinking about. Do you know how when you are drinking something and you swallow wrong and you start to choke and you spend 15 seconds thinking your life is gonna end and you panic because you don’t want to die, and you definitely don’t want to die for something as stupid as your inability to swallow properly? I keep thinking…

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