Hi Darling Ones, For the official record, the brain weasels were right. I have both macular edema and diabetic retinopathy. THIS NEXT PART IS NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH PLEASE SKIP Now I have to go to the eye specialist every four weeks and get medicine injected into my right eye. I am not exaggerating at all. It’s rough. I had it done last week and it took me two days…
Hi Darling Ones, Author and vlogger Hank Green has Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. He announced it in a video recently and hooooooboy did a lot of what he say resonate deep into my bones. At one point he talks about how he’s struggling with having this new identity thrust upon him. He wants to continue being goofy science guy and not cancer guy. He has exactly and succinctly explained that feeling I’ve…
Hello Darling Ones, I don’t know if the Lexapro is starting to kick in, it’s the absence of the lightheaded/panic attack cycle, or I’m just getting stronger, but things are going okay this week. Yes, it’s only Tuesday. However, I’m going to be optimistic and pretend things will continue to be okay. I have a bunch of big, scary doctors’ appointments on the horizon so I need to cultivate a…
Hi Darling Ones, I’m in that weird position where writing about what’s on my mind makes things better and yet everything on my mind bores the daylights out if me. How many times can I say that being in my body is weird and annoying? How many times can I complain about the myriad ways having a stroke has disrupted my life in the worst ways? I miss the days…
Hi Darling Ones, I’m not going to apologize for the lack of updates because I am not sorry. Instead, I’m fucking depressed and kind of angry about it. The last two weeks have been a struggle and I’m too damn tired to put on my brave face. It’s a miracle that I can be tired at all because it seems like all I do is sleep. Sleep is the by-product…
Hi Darling Ones, Just a quick note to let you know I continue to exist on this planet, despite everything trying to kill me (that’s me being dramatic). BFK & Atom took me to Urgent Care and then the ER Friday since I only have medical crises when my fam is out of town. One MRI and some chest x-rays later and they determined I didn’t have another stroke nor…
Hello Darling Ones, Yesterday, I accidentally blurted out 45 years of fat kid trauma onto my unsuspecting physical therapist. I know she is not “that kind” of therapist, but once the confession got going I couldn’t stop. I started by apologizing about being a sweaty, panting pile of goo after some small exercises. She shook her head in dismissal, because the apology was unnecessary. “It’s the fat kid in gym…
Hey Darling Ones, Have I complained lately about what absolute garbage the stroke recovery process is? Lest you forget, it is the worst. Also, please remember, that I hate it and do not recommend having a stroke. I need to believe even people who possess the patience of saints, who I guess were notoriously patient, would struggle with the time it takes to heal. Having the patience of a tired…
Dear Darling Ones, Thirty days after the stroke that leveled me, I finally finally FINALLY have a physical therapy appointment. It’s tomorrow at 9 a.m. While I know I won’t oversleep, I’ll definitely under-sleep, I’m still afraid I will. Yesterday, I had another follow-up appointment with my nurse practitioner, who I have a crush on now. She’s the first medical professional who did not treat my body like a weird…
Hi Darling Ones, The thing that sticks with me the most from the 11 hours I spent in the Emergency Room the day I had my stroke is asking the MRI technician if I could listen to Frightened Rabbit. Because I have a tendency toward claustrophobia they gave me some kind of sedative before wheeling me into the MRI place. I was feeling pretty loosey goosey by the time I…
