The Naming of Things

Hi Darling Ones, Did you know that back in aught-eight I got named-checked in Kathleen Turner’s memoir? If there’s one famous person you think would name check me, the lowly 6’5″ Spinster Goddess of Minnesota, Kathleen Turner is the obvious choice. Just kidding, Matt Dillon is the obvious choice. The dumbest thing about being mentioned in Kathleen Turner’s memoir is that I didn’t even come…

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77 Inches of Bad Decisions in a Cheap Yellow T-Shirt

Dear Darling Ones, I’ve been thinking about Influencers today because I read a Buzzfeed listicle about shitty, entitled Influencers who wanted free things because of their influence. Barf. Influencer culture fascinates me in a rubber-necking an accident on the side of the road kind of way. I know what it is and yet I don’t get why any sane, rational person would follow an Influencer…

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Behold My Sanctimony & Feel Inferior

Dear Darling Ones, I turned all the rotten bananas chilling in my freezer into banana bread today. I needed the hit of smug superiority along with feelings of productivity and also taking care of myself. Flossing and banana bread are the two things guaranteed to fill me with sanctimony. So does taking the high road in most situations, however I hate when my high road…

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Financial Decisions

Hi Darling Ones, Yesterday I was a twenty-two-year-old dum dum in Eau Claire with hot plans to use her financial aid money to get a tattoo at that place on Water Street and then celebrating that bonehead move by drinking bloody marys for dinner. After all, I had already made the choice between actual food and a tattoo. And who says that a pickle and…

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Swoony Right to My Marrow

Dear Darling Ones, When Sister #2 was here in August I complained a little bit about the library. I do feel like a bit of a hypocrite about this, because I really do love the library more than any other institution on the planet. However, within the last year or so, my teeny local Scott County Library eBook/audiobook app joined up with the larger Twin…

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In Which I Confess to ‘Nacking Cheese’

Dear Darling Ones, There have been unceasing levels of crankiness in the air around me for like a week now. I’m not entirely sure what my problem is. Maybe my uterus is preparing to shed its lining, which will make me super angry. Maybe it’s the cool but humid and cloudy weather. Maybe I’m grouchy for no reason and I’m trying to tie it to…

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