They Have a Word for It

So, Darling Ones, I found out they have a word for what landed me in the ER on Friday, “recrudescence.” Officially the ER doc wrote in my after care summary, “He [the neurologist] suspects likely recrudescence from prior thalamic infarct.” Both my primary care doc and physical therapist mentioned recrudescence, because like me they’d never heard the word before. According to my highly scientific and not all full of AI-trash and SEO-garbage Googling, post-stroke recrudescence is the “re-emergence of post-stroke symptoms and deficits after they have initially resolved.” It’s more common than they thought and more likely to strike if you’re female. Good times. I also learned it usually happens around four years post stroke and the symptoms last for a few days. Well, because I’m an overachiever mine happened eleven months post-stroke, and one-week in the symptoms are still going strong. Knowing this is an actual thing gives me some…

Stroke Me Day 348: Oh No, Not Again

Hello Darling Ones, I feel so foolish. Last night I spent roughly six hours in the ER only for them to determine I was NOT having another stroke. While this is a load off my mind, it feels like I wasted everyone’s time and money because I’m melodramatic. UGH! Around dinnertime, I called Sister #4 to take me to the hospital. I skipped 911 this time because I didn’t need to have my house full of men who didn’t believe me. FOR THE RECORD, I will never not be mad that the Shakopee Police officer, the paramedics, and the other first responders, all men, told me I wasn’t having a stroke. I’ve been off the last few days, mostly light-headed and a little more “wooshy” inside my head. I was so bad after getting out of the physical therapy pool on Thursday, wobbly, may eyes refusing to focus, I had…

Appreciation 2.24

Hey Darling Ones, Earlier this week while I was deep in grief I read some of the archives to see what I had written last year around this time. I wrote about the movie “Reality Bites” and my nihilistic streak and why I was mad at Dave Grohl Writing about pop culture is one of the Before Jodi things I missed the most. It is also the thing I have the most control over. So, this year I’m gonna try to do a monthlyish round-up of things I’ve dug recently — books, movies, TV, snacks, etc. So here goes. Stone Blind by Natalie Haynes I love a good feminist retelling of Greek mythology. They are very much my jam. I’ve read a bunch of them featuring Circe, the women of Troy, Cassandra, and Clytemnestra — to name a few. Hoo, do I have some opinions about Agamemnon. This one about…

Stroke Me Day 337: All of the Grief

Hoo Boy, Darling Ones, I got some grief kicking my ass. I knew it was gonna come, and here it is. Earlier today 3/4 of the Tea Ladies gathered on Zoom for our monthly catch up. I’d love to tell you some of the life-stuff we discussed. It was a conversation filled with brave and beautiful stories from my friends that are not mine to tell. One of the Tea Ladies asked how I was doing as the year anniversary of my stroke grows ever nearer (March 6). I burst into tears telling them how I’m finally feeling the grief, which literally struck that the moment. As I work to accept how this might be as good as it gets, I’m mourning what might have been. What is that? I’m not sure. It’s hard to mourn something that never happened and never will. It’s a nebulous, idyllic future that was…

Eye Day

Hello Darling Ones, Two letters in two days? Count your lucky stars! I wanted to write today because it’s Eye Day and I want to bellyache about it. There are a lot of really great things about Eye Day. Namely, not losing my entire site to macular edema and diabetic retinopathy. That’s not even exaggeration for humor’s sake. That’s the actual, factual truth. Without this treatment I will go blind. Another good thing about Eye Day? The security guy who works at the building the Retina Consultants of Minnesota is in. Sister #4 & I love this guy. A few months ago he met us at the door with a wheelchair. Usually, Sister #4 drives because my mom hates 494, and drops her off at the entrance. Mom then hauls ass upstairs to get a wheelchair for me, and brings it down. While I could lurch up there with my…

Before-Jodi & After-Jodi

Hi Darling Ones, Spotify just tried to play Gwen Stefani. Out loud. Where my ears could hear it. Not now, Spotify. I am not in the mood for such shenanigans. To be fair, I’m not in the mood for any shenanigans. I’m cranky and out of sorts with a viscous case of the Fuck All Y’alls. This is par for the course as January turns into February. It’s hard to discern what is usual seasonal crankiness and stroke-related. . .ennui? angst? grief? As the year anniversary of my stroke creeps ever closer (March 6th, mark your calendars, I expect gifts and acknowledgments) I’m working on two things. Well, two things other than regaining my balance and walking without a walker. ONE. I’m trying to come to grips with this being as good as I get. I might never walk unassisted. I might never be able to stand for more than…

Your Panacea is in Another Castle

Hi Darling Ones, I spent most of the week sulking. The glasses I pinned all my hopes on turned out not to be the panacea I dreamed it would be. Turns out that while I can see clearer than before, which is a good thing, the distortion caused by the edema or the retinopathy is still a giant pain in the ass. Also, according to Dr. Google it could take awhile to adjust to the progressive lenses. Also, according to the wise doctor a lot of the things progressives may make you feel (like your eyes are swimmy, wobbly, etc.) are exactly the same way having a stroke has made me feel. I’m having a bummer of a week. I went to the doctor Tuesday and things did nt go the way I wanted them to go. Nothing went wrong and I did’t get bad news, per se. It’s that…

Twin Flames

Hey Darling Ones, Over the weekend I watched not one but two docuseries on the Twin Flames cult. One on Netflix and the other on Amazon Prime. Both fascinating. I love documentaries about cults and con artists, which if you think about it are kind of the same thing. If you don’t know about the Twin Flames Universe it’s a pyramid scheme/religion run by two jokers who claim to know who your twin flame is, which is like a soulmate on steroids and for some number of dollars they guarantee they will hook you up with your twin flame. Then you will live happily ever after boning and being rich and happy. Of course, it’s complete bullshit and sadly, vulnerable people fall for it. Even though I don’t believe there’s one soulmate for each person, I did spend a lot of time thinking about my twin flames. Here’s a short…

Maybe This Year Will Be Better Than the Last

Hello Darling Ones, Happy last day of 2023. I hope the door hits it in the ass on its way out. This has not been my year. I’ve spent the day mindlessly getting my house in order. I put a new air filter in the furnace, watered the Sadness Garden, and other minor tasks I ignored while my family was here for three weeks. The day has also been spent wildly swinging through bitter jealousy and utter gratitude. The jealousy stems from reading everyone’s year-in-review and I am bitter. No fair people got to travel and eat cool foods and go to concerts and experience neat things while I sat around recovering from a stroke trying to come to terms with being disabled and freaking out about my my dwindling bank account. What a rip off! And, of course, I’m overjoyed that I’m still here to be jealous and broke.…

Why I’m Finally Giving Up Twitter

Hi Darling Ones, How goes your holiday season? Mine started early this year when Sister #2 arrived on December 10 to help me around the house and hang out in Minnesota visiting her MN friends. Max arrives tonight. Jaycie comes in tomorrow and then we’ll be holidaying it up — a Very St. Martin Christmas, Christmas, Boxing Day Lunch, and Rock & Roll Bookclub Dirty Santa. Everyone leaves on December 31st and by then I’ll be ready for a long winter’s nap with Wendell & Los Gatitos. ANYWAY, Sister #2 is the reason I’m finally giving up Twitter. My Twitter days have been numbered since Elon Musk started stinking up the joint. But, I kept making excuses not to leave because I love Twitter. I joined Twitter in March 2007 and didn’t see much value in it until the 35W Bridge collapsed in August. I remember checking Twitter constantly, watching…