The COVID Diaries: Garbage Disposal Fork Brain

Hey Darling Ones,

Did you ever watch “The Good Place?” It’s a really good show about philosophy and the afterlife. If you’ve never seen it you should watch it now and thank me later.*

There’s a great scene in the season two where the nerdy, super smart, and indecisive Chidi explains that his brain sounds like a garbage disposal with a fork stuck in it all the time. It’s always grinding away at things he’s afraid of or things that he wants or wants to want. . . it goes on.

When I first saw that scene I felt the warm glow of recognition you get when art puts to words something about yourself you could never describe before. I too have garbage disposal fork brain. My brain is always churning, churning, churning, usually through myriad** topics. Occasionally it will get stuck on one topic, which is the worst because then the churning feels obsessive. I much prefer the aimless churning to the obsessive churning.

Today I’m obsessing because the shopping cart on a client’s website went kablooie and I cannot fix it on my own. This problem is driving me bananas because it’s requiring the two things I hate the most: patience + needing help from someone else. Yuck.

Of course my brain is constantly churning away at the problem telling me if I do this or that (which I have already done) maybe I’ll stumble on a solution. My brain is so focussed on this one thing I can’t even read the Sylvia Plath bio, and I miss her. I’m at the part where she’s in a class with Anne Sexton that’s being taught by Robert Lowell!

At least my yellow yarn arrived today. I’m hoping to reach a meditative state by crocheting while watching cartoons.

I am in misery,
*This is the part where I go into Jack Black as Dick in “High Fidelity.” In my head, I’m doing the whole I’d think that you’re a cinematic idiot and feel sorry for you. I can do the whole scene, the Rob Gordon parts too.
**That’s good, but Heather would never use the word myriad.

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