The COVID Diaries: The Only Republican I Ever Loved

Querido Darling Ones,

I learned how to say ‘dear’ in Spanish today. It seems apropos since I also fake married Michael J. Fox. I did both of these things before I even got out of bed and got dressed this morning.

The imaginary marriage is a long-time coming. As you can see by the snapshot of my tweenage scrapbook up there I’ve been in love with Mr. Michael J. Fox for more than 30 years. I was gonna take a picture of my Marty McFly and Doc Brown Funko Pops to illustrate this wedding announcement, but they are so dusty they look they are wearing wigs. Also, I wanted to demonstrate the length of our imaginary courtship. To this day Alex P. Keaton was the only republican I ever loved.

I have chosen to not let his 30+ year marriage to Tracy Pollan be an issue in our imaginary marriage. Neither is the 12-inch height different. Or the fact that we’ve never met. When I imaginary commit, I imaginary commit all the way.

Wanna know what tipped me over into marriage? Buzzr.

This morning I finished Michael J. Fox’s (yes, I will always refer to my fake husband as Michael J. Fox just like I always refer to my imaginary lover John Cougar Mellencamp by all three names, it’s a sign of respect) memoir, No Time Like the Future: An Optimist Considers Mortality. At one point in the book he talked about his love of watching vintage gameshows on Buzzr. And I said to the book, “OMG, ME TOO, WE ARE NOW MARRIED.”

I fake married him for more than just that. He’s a gemini and I’m a gemini. He’s super liberal and I’m super liberal. He likes ice cream and I like ice cream. He likes Vampire Weekend and I like Vampire Weekend. Right this second as I type this post I cannot think of a more suitable and perfect imaginary husband for me. He doesn’t even live in this time zone. It’s a match made in hermit heaven.

All kidding aside, the memoir is lovely and his love for his actual wife is palpable. He ends the book by describing her dancing at a Vampire Weekend and it made me wish someone would like me even one iota as much as he likes his wife. Who wouldn’t want to be married to that guy?

The book is also super funny while also being quite poignant about what it’s like to live with a degenerative disease.

I’m resisting the urge to unload a shit ton of Michael J. Fox fun facts on you, but I kinda want to get back to the Janis Joplin biography I started.

No rest for the nerdy,

P.S. If you view the scrapbook page at the top you’ll also see pictures from “European Vacation” which I saw in the movie theaters and “Legend of Billie Jean” which is probably one of the most influential movies I watched as a child and I still love to this day.

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