The COVID Diaries: In My Opinionation

Hi Darling Ones, There’s still a whirlpool going around in my head, but instead of all the sad garbage it’s the book The Witch’s Heart and the ridiculous amount I am relating to it even though I’m a modern giant and not like an ancient, old-timey Norse Ironwood Witch giant. I’m doing my best to ration the book so I can think a little about it instead of gobbling it up in one greedy gulp like I do all the…

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The COVID Diaries: Arts Minotaur

Hi Darling Ones, My plan today was to tell you about how I got the nickname the Arts Minotaur in college and how my friends would tease me by saying in a funny voice, “Oh, I’m the Arts Minotaur & I’m bitter.” Then I was gonna tell you about the Minotaur Funko Pop and maybe something about my penchant for Greek Mythology. It might have been funny. It might have fallen flat. I’m feeling a little disconnected from writing at…

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The COVID Diaries: Jeff Tweedy & Me

Hello Darling Ones, I have never met Jeff Tweedy. He does not know of my existence. I don’t want you going into this thinking I’m gonna be dishing some dirty deets about the guy from Wilco, because I got none. Sadly. I will admit I’ve had an inordinate number of sex dreams about Jeff Tweedy. I don’t often have sex dreams about famous people, but if I do it’s Jeff Tweedy or Kirsten Dunst. I don’t know why. In my…

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The COVID Diaries: This is a Delicate Thing

Dear Darling Ones, Did you happen to catch the new yesterday that the man who invented the cassette tape died? I caught it, but I was too sick and sad yesterday to say much about it. I don’t really have a lot to say about his death. He was old, and I didn’t even know who he was until yesterday. But his invention? Whooee has that played a vital role in my life. I grew up in the Golden Age…

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The COVID Diaries: I Really Did See Things So Much Clearer

Hi Darling Ones, Despite my emotion hangover brought about by yesterday’s letter, I decided I was gonna get shit done. Shit in this case means updating my portfolio, which is a task I hate more than taking out the garbage, writing press releases, and cleaning toilets. However, your girl has not worked more than a few hours a week for months while continuously buying crap I don’t need that also does not make me feel better. It gets expensive. I…

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The COVID Diaries: If I Had a Pony, I’d Ride it on My Boat

Hi Darling Ones, We like to romanticize the idea of a lone wolf living for nobody but themselves, somebody who gives no fucks and lives by their own rules. We super love this if it’s a dude. Women tend to be crones who live in the woods, though the young’uns are starting to romanticize even that. Good for them. However, I’m here to tell yo that it is not romantic or sexy. In fact, it’s really very difficult. The problem…

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