The COVID Diaries: I Really Did See Things So Much Clearer

Hi Darling Ones,

Despite my emotion hangover brought about by yesterday’s letter, I decided I was gonna get shit done. Shit in this case means updating my portfolio, which is a task I hate more than taking out the garbage, writing press releases, and cleaning toilets.

However, your girl has not worked more than a few hours a week for months and continuously buying crap I don’t need that also does not make me feel better gets expensive. I have a line on a potential gig from a guy who remembers me from college. He claims he remembers me for good reasons and not that I was a giant, drunken ding-dong. So that is worthy of portfolio updating.

The updating is only going so-so because my stomach is staging a coup. It is upset that I’m trying to subsist on instant mashed potatoes, Girl Scout cookies, and breakfast burritos. Apparently it is not a fan. Apparently my stomach has also forgotten that in college I was, in fact, a giant, drunken ding-dong and we frequently made a breakfast of the leftover tacos & potato oles from the six pack & a a pound I’d procure on my way home from bars. Did it ever complain then? No. I don’t know what it’s problem is today, but I am not a fan.

None of this is the point I wanted to make today, but I’m exhausted and rambly and have a stomachache.

To get closer to the point, I will tell you “Rearviewmirror” is my favorite Pearl Jam song of all the Pearl Jam songs. Vs. is my favorite of their records, and I often put it on when I need to get shit done. It’s been my get shit done record since 1993, which isn’t the same as my “I gotta write a bunch of words records” and “let’s pretend to work while really singing along to this record.” My life has infinite soundtracks for everything.

While I was using part of my brain to get shit done I was using the other part to contemplate “Rearviewmirror” and why I loved it so much. This is when I decided to look up the lyrics. That was a mistake. I have been singing this song for 28 years, but a lot of the lyrics were brand new information to me. I’m pretty sure for most of my life I was singing word-like noises that sounded right. Because until this very day I know I never sang the words enmity gauged or wounds in the mirror waved. For real? I don’t even know what enmity gauged means. What I have discovered is that I love “Rearviewmirror” because of the music and it has little do with the actual lyrics because like 75% of them are kinda melodramatic garbage. That does not stop me from doing a weird, wiggly, fist-pumping dance whenever I hear this song.

Also, you should know that with my headphones on and with the volume turned almost all the way up I can sing the shit out of “Indifference” and sound really good. I sang it twice to the Sadness Garden today.

Here’s to finishing getting the shit done tomorrow and continued existence despite not mattering,

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  1. Lesley 11.Mar.21 at 2:58 pm

    Grrrl. Gemini Jodi. You matter to me, for what that’s worth. Even though we’re only virtual friends from the Candy Bar, i have been loving your perspective on Life, The Universe, and Everything for many years. I’m sorry you’re suffering right now. You, ultimately, are your own best friend. Have you considered The Four Noble Truths in your journey? Possibly you might find some kind of liberation from your depression. From one old spinster to another (although you have many inches on me), determine who your real friends are (the ones that will help you bury a body) and spend time with them. Mask up and get out. Get your c19 vaccine as soon as you’re eligible. Smell the Spring coming. Although in MN i’m not sure you’re anywhere near Spring. Get a friend and take a little road trip to Southerly climes. Get out of your head and hug a tree. Anything. Wake up. You’re alive for just a short time in this weird reality/ consciousness. Stop buying shit you don’t need and save up for a plane ticket to a destination by the ocean. Knit more blankets and sell them on Esty. You’re talented in so many ways. Become a nanny. Your blogs has shown you’re great with kids… Much love & respect to you, talented twin. Live from your heart.

    1. Jodi Chromey 11.Mar.21 at 3:07 pm

      I don’t even know what the Four Noble Truths are, but I promise to google them as soon as I finish this reply. I appreciate your tough love & kind words.

      You will be happy to know that yesterday (literally, yesterday) my BFK booked an Air B&B for us to road trip to for our birthdays in June. She’s a gemini too.

      (Also, today I spent the day working next to a sunny, open window though it’s still a little too cold for that).

      I’ll do my best to live from my heart.


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