Hey Darling Ones,

It’s surprisingly hard to feel good about yourself when you’re not able to make enough money to support yourself. Not impossible, just difficult. I blame capitalism and the patriarchy. To be fair, those two along with racism are to blame for most problems.

Since I’ve made $0.00 so far this year I’m struggling with what exactly the point of me is, which is sad in more ways than one. Was the point of me pre-stroke to make websites for people and pay the mortgage? How gross.

Now that I’m disabled and unable to work enough to support myself I need to figure out what I want from my time left on Earth. Before the stroke I was too busy working, surviving, and feeling bad about living up to my potential.

One thing I have managed to figure out is that I don’t want to spend any more of my life feeling bad about myself. So, I’ve found new things to feel good about.

These things usually fall under the umbrella of “spinstering.” These are activities that I’ve decided are extra spinstery (reading*, crocheting, talking to my cats, etc.)

On days when I spinster hard I feel extra good about myself. Like maybe the point of me is to do stuff that makes me happy?

Today I spinstered my ass off.

• Made no-knead bread dough for tomorrow’s Easter Dinner.

Prepared most of the mise en place for aforementioned dinner.

• Repotted ALL of the Sadness Garden while
• listening to Careless People by Sarah Wynn-Williams.
• Ate a healthy salad for dinner.

It doesn’t sound like much, but between unpotting, repotting, and clean up, the Sadness Garden was a multi-hour endeavor.

Now I’m plum tuckered out and pretty satisfied even though I didn’t earn a dime.

Pointlessly yours,
Jodi

P.S. I cleared up SO much space on the Sadness Garden cart that I can get more plants. Feel free to send me some cute ones!

 

*I exclusively listen to audiobooks now because the distorted vision makes reading a book with my eyes too difficult.