So, Darling Ones,

I found out they have a word for what landed me in the ER on Friday, “recrudescence.”

Officially the ER doc wrote in my after care summary, “He [the neurologist] suspects likely recrudescence from prior thalamic infarct.”

Both my primary care doc and physical therapist mentioned recrudescence, because like me they’d never heard the word before.

According to my highly scientific and not all full of AI-trash and SEO-garbage Googling, post-stroke recrudescence is the “re-emergence of post-stroke symptoms and deficits after they have initially resolved.” It’s more common than they thought and more likely to strike if you’re female.

Good times.

I also learned it usually happens around four years post stroke and the symptoms last for a few days.

Well, because I’m an overachiever mine happened eleven months post-stroke, and one-week in the symptoms are still going strong.

Knowing this is an actual thing gives me some solace. Even though it’s literally all in my head, it’s not something I made up or something I’m being dramatic about.

What SUCKS and HARD is that it feels like someone pressed rewind and I’m right back where I was in May. My scoop is extra floppy and all my other stroke ticks are back — wiggly legs, swimmy head, and fingertip taps.

Speaking of swimming, I had to use a wheelchair after physical therapy again yesterday. In fact, my therapist made me stop five minutes early even though I wanted to finish the final exercise. OF COURSE I did.

“I have no doubt you could power through it,” she said.
“My goal is to power through stroke recovery so it happens faster,” I said.
“That seems to be working great for you,”she said and then left to go get Sister #4 and a wheelchair.

At least, she give me an A+ for showing up to PT after my recrudescence. And she emailed me this afternoon to see how I was doing. I’m fortunate to have a good care team.

It’s frustrating that I didn’t recognize how far I’d come until I was slammed right back into the bad old days.

I already worked past all this. I was doing better and now I gotta start over. Sure I can do it. I did it before. But, come on, you gotta admit this is NO FAIR, right? Right?

Seventeen ughbarfs and infinity frowny faces,
Jodi