Hello Darling Ones,
I feel so foolish. Last night I spent roughly six hours in the ER only for them to determine I was NOT having another stroke. While this is a load off my mind, it feels like I wasted everyone’s time and money because I’m melodramatic.
UGH!
Around dinnertime, I called Sister #4 to take me to the hospital. I skipped 911 this time because I didn’t need to have my house full of men who didn’t believe me.
FOR THE RECORD, I will never not be mad that the Shakopee Police officer, the paramedics, and the other first responders, all men, told me I wasn’t having a stroke.
I’ve been off the last few days, mostly light-headed and a little more “wooshy” inside my head. I was so bad after getting out of the physical therapy pool on Thursday, wobbly, may eyes refusing to focus, I had to have my sister get me a wheelchair. I couldn’t walk out on my own.
Yesterday afternoon I crashed on the couch hoping the off-ness would go away. I got up and did all the BE FAST stroke things. And just like last time, I didn’t really have any of those symptoms.
To be fair, I was a little worried the right side of my face was drooping, but wasn’t sure if that could be stroke related or just distortion from the macular edema.
Why isn’t any of this simple and straightforward?
So off to the ER, where they took me quite seriously and never chided me for being melodramatic. It was hard to explain that while my right side always feels heavy, it not felt heavier. I was wobblier. Tinglier. I felt stupid hearing myself trying to explain how things inside my body were weirder than the normal amount of weird.
I was so embarrassed.
One MRI, one CT scan, and an EKG later, the doctor chalked it up to new side-effects dropping. He said my symptoms were consistent with what happens when the thalamus is damaged, as mine is.
So I’m home and still kicking. I’m the kind of tired I haven’t felt since I first had the stroke. Like had to take a nap after breakfast kind of tired.
I have follow up with my regular doctor on Wednesday. Hopefully I don’t die of embarrassment.
What is it with this kind of shame? IF I’d had another stroke, or some other weird brain drama I’d be so proud of myself for taking it seriously. However, since it turned out to be nothing I feel like a hypr-anxious hypochondriac.
Is that a female thing? Midwestern thing? Total bullshit thing?
At least shame won’t kill me.
Love,
Jodi
P.S. Two different woman at the hospital greeted me with “Wow, I love your glasses.” The second time it happened my sister and I laughed. “I’m sorry,” the nurse said. “Those are just really great glasses.” We explained about how the registration lady said the same thing. Zenni should pay me for being a walking ad. This is the fourth and fifth time strangers have commented on the glasses.
I don’t know if it’s a Midwestern thing, but I’m a woman and I had the same shame & embarrassment after taking myself to the ER after my embolism and, later, a major surgery. Both times, the staff reassured me I did the right thing based on history & symptoms, but damn if I didn’t spend way too much energy beating myself up for wasting time & resources for what turned out to be gas/heartburn/cramp.
I’m glad it wasn’t another stroke! You did the exact right thing. Even if it is a bother, please bother EVERYONE. ??
Don’t feel ashamed. At a recent doctor appointment, I had blood work done and as I knew it would, came back terrible. My bad cholesterol is good, my good cholesterol is almost non existent. My blood sugar…thats a story for another time. MY prior insurer, a company which may or may not rhyme with Screwnited Wealth Care, was perfectly ok with paying for everything expect the drugs that work for me. Long story short, the infection that led to losing my leg, turned septic. This caused a heart attack. Not a major one. It was more of a, “Hey fuckface, maybe get your shit together” kind of heart attack. Back to recent doc appointment, he saw the badge of shame I hung on myself. “Hey Jackass, at the end of the day, you’re doing the best you can. Sometimes it all just comes down to shitty genetics or your physiology just refusing to work with you.”
I was fully prepared to work myself over until kingdom come. if you think there is something going on with your health fuck anyone who tries to put you off. Had I not had my mom with me in the icu, I would probably not be here. She told the attending doc I was having a heart attack. I fully credit the fact the attending was a woman, who listened to and understood the concern. So they hooked my up and the ekg confirmed I had indeed had a heart attack. No one is going to advocate for yourself better than you. I feel like there is too much of a feeling in this country, as far as health care / medicine are concerned, we all want to be coddled or handed pills. In reality, at least in my opinion, we just want someone to listen to us, and tell us we’re not in danger and we did the right thing by coming to get checked out. Unfortunately, thats not usually the case. Rest up and try to be kind to yourself. We need you around!