Hello Darling Ones,
Today marks eight months since my college friend Baltus died. Also, eight months since I had a stroke.
These two events are inextricably linked in my damaged brain. My poor, defective brain that I continue to love even though it’s kind of a jerk.
I still have an immense amount of guilt for worrying everyone by having a stupid stroke. Boy. would the people I love be bummed if I died.
I’m pretty glad I continue to exist even though the repercussions from the stroke remain a giant pain in my ass. Being broke and unable to walk well or see clearly sucks. A lot. Being dead would suck more.
And, not to mention, I would have missed out on all this stuff:
- That ‘Mats episode of The Bear
- The beauty that is Carmy
- Being able to shout “I have brain damage” whenever I do or say something boneheaded
- The Bully record
- The Ratboys record
- The Lydia Loveless record
- The Boygenius record
- Pride in accomplishing physical tasks I didn’t think I could do
- That Lucinda Williams’ memoir where she writes about her affair with Paul Westerberg (ick) and Ryan Adams*dirtbag (17,982 icks)
- Sister #4 moving back to MN
- The way my community showed up hard in a way I did not expect
- Ridding Supergenius HQ of 14+ boxes of crap I did not need, including (I think) 23 unused notebooks
- Sending Heather that blanket
- The end of Succession
- Cello version of “Can’t Hardly Wait”
- A fuzzy, yellow cardigan with pockets that is my new best friend
- The way the three cats stampeded down the stairs (or up the stairs) when I shout “KITTENS!”
- Being able to write and send many, many thank you cards
- Thinking up the most brilliant blanket to make and enter in the State Fair creative arts competition
- Feeling awe at the resiliency of my brain despite its jerkiness
- Finally working enough in one month to make enough money to pay my mortgage
- The pure joy of getting my occupational therapist to refer to my bum arm as my “Floopy Scoop” on a regular basis
- Being able to say “Well, I had a stroke” whenever anyone asks how I’m doing
- Discovering thin crust pizza doesn’t make my blood sugar sky rocket
- The animated Snoopy watch face the amuses me endlessly
Took a licking & kept on ticking,
P.S. That sounds so dirty, which makes me laugh, but Oldsters know it’s a Timex reference.