Things I Would Have Missed if I Died 8 Month Ago

Hello Darling Ones,

Today marks eight months since my college friend Baltus died. Also, eight months since I had a stroke.

These two events are inextricably linked in my damaged brain. My poor, defective brain that I continue to love even though it’s kind of a jerk.

I still have an immense amount of guilt for worrying everyone by having a stupid stroke. Boy. would the people I love be bummed if I died.


I’m pretty glad I continue to exist even though the repercussions from the stroke remain a giant pain in my ass. Being broke and unable to walk well or see clearly sucks. A lot. Being dead would suck more.

And, not to mention, I would have missed out on all this stuff:

  • That ‘Mats episode of The Bear
  • The beauty that is Carmy
  • Being able to shout “I have brain damage” whenever I do or say something boneheaded
  • The Bully record
  • The Ratboys record
  • The Lydia Loveless record
  • The Boygenius record
  • Pride in accomplishing physical tasks I didn’t think I could do
  • That Lucinda Williams’ memoir where she writes about her affair with Paul Westerberg (ick) and Ryan Adams*dirtbag (17,982 icks)
  • Sister #4 moving back to MN
  • The way my community showed up hard in a way I did not expect
  • Ridding Supergenius HQ of 14+ boxes of crap I did not need, including (I think) 23 unused notebooks
  • Sending Heather that blanket
  • The end of Succession
  • Cello version of “Can’t Hardly Wait”
  • A fuzzy, yellow cardigan with pockets that is my new best friend
  • Fergus
  • Mortimer
  • Wendell
  • The way the three cats stampeded down the stairs (or up the stairs) when I shout “KITTENS!”
  • Brownies
  • Being able to write and send many, many thank you cards
  • Thinking up the most brilliant blanket to make and enter in the State Fair creative arts competition
  • Feeling awe at the resiliency of my brain despite its jerkiness
  • Finally working enough in one month to make enough money to pay my mortgage
  • The pure joy of getting my occupational therapist to refer to my bum arm as my “Floopy Scoop” on a regular basis
  • Being able to say “Well, I had a stroke” whenever anyone asks how I’m doing
  • Discovering thin crust pizza doesn’t make my blood sugar sky rocket
  • The animated Snoopy watch face the amuses me endlessly
  • You

Took a licking & kept on ticking,

P.S. That sounds so dirty, which makes me laugh, but Oldsters know it’s a Timex reference.

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