Hi Darling Ones,

I’ve had a lot on mind. Well, I always do. But lately I’ve been thinking about the two finger-snaps in Dire Straits’ “Romeo & Juliet” and if the are significant in some way, if they are meant to symbolize something.

You’d be surprised by how much I think about this. It is more than a lot.

However, since the federal government shutdown I’ve been thinking about other things. Namely the boundless cruelty of the USA and the people who govern it. Also, the fathomless greed of the wealthy and all those people who could put an end to hunger and poverty and houselessness if they chose to throw their money at that problem.

More selfishly I’ve been thinking my writing and my situation.

It’s clear I love writing here. I’ve been doing it for 25 years, and I continue even though the physical acts of typing and reading are difficult and exhausting after the stroke. You can sorta see what my vision is like in the image at the top of this post. Spoiler: it’s not good.

One of my vague goals for iwilldare.com is to share what it’s like to be a single, 6’5″, white, GenX woman at this moment in time. And by this moment, I mean all the moments in time when I post. Now that I’ve become a single, 6’5″ white, disabled GenX woman during some massively horrifying historic events I feel as though my writing is more navel-gazey than ever.

It feels kinda gross to be so self-focused during the horrors thrust upon us by the government. This is a time where showing up and being a member of the community is important. Instead, all I do is sit in a chair and worry about if I’ll ever get on the dole.

With SNAP and WIC benefits running out because of the government shutdown I thought abut donating to the local food shelf. Food insecurity is one of those issues that really get me in the old ticker. I know what that’s like. I grew up with food insecurity and have gone hugry many times (yes, a hungry food insecure fat girl, it happens).

Sadly, I checked to see how much money I could spare. I can spare exactly $0.00. I’ve got exactly $3,713.41 to last me until, I’m not sure when. They haven’t even scheduled my Social Security hearing yet, and I don’t know how long it takes to get a verdict or money.

Bah!

Now, you can see how my thoughts have been going the past few weeks. It’s becoming a well-worn spiral — horrors, my writing, horrors, my own situation. How do people other people do this? How do you cope with personal tragedies or problems in the midst of bigger, more pressing problems?

Pondering Romeo & Juliet was way more fun and it helped me sleep at night.

Just another one of your deals,
Jodi

P.S.
In 2020 when I donated to my local food shelf I got an email from the Executive Director thanking me because I was the first person to ever use the online donation form. He told me he googled me and because I was a Replacements’ fan he offered me a gig. I built a beautiful website for them that they never used because the new Marketing Director, hired after I started my work, either did not like me or wanted to put her mark on everything. I didn’t get to stick around long enough to find out. I’m sad to report they still have an ugly ass website.