When Left to My Own Devices

Hey Darling Ones,

Since I didn’t have any pressing deadlines or meetings today I spent most of my time being idle and bored. I was the kind of bored that refused amusement for more than 20 minutes and also refused to do anything productive because “I didn’t feel like it.” It’s the August kind of bored that has left me vaguely cranky and unsatisfied, much like August does in general.

Sunday after Family Dinner I was whining to my mom about how much I hate August and she said I get that from her, because hatred of specific months is hereditary.

Anyway, I thought I would tell you about what happens at my house when you get bored and it is August.

  • I told the Internet about my new song called “A Cat Named Wendell” which is a riff on “A Boy Named Sue.” My song includes the lyrics: “Your name is Wendell Woo. How do you do?” I sing it to him roughly 66 times a day. I figure if you can’t Weird Al your pet’s name into all the songs, what is the point of having a pet? Or songs?
  • I also texted the picture above to The Wedding Party Group chat (which includes the remaining members of the Sisterclub + my 20something cousin Lindsay) with the lyrics “One of these things is not like the other. One of these things just isn’t the same.” Then I told my family how Wendell wants to be a horticulturalist when he grows up.
  • I did exactly 30 minutes of work.
  • I spent the two hours listening to many versions of the song “Gentle on My Mind” and discussing the song with the many citizens of Twitter.
  • I also made many pithy comments and absolutely correct statements about the “Singles” soundtrack and Paul Westerberg’s “14 Songs” album.
  • So the best versions of “Gentle on My Mind” are a tie between Waylon Jennings and Lucinda Williams (which I only learned existed today thanks to my friend, Kurtis).
  • I ate a bologna sandwich for lunch. For some reason all my stomach wants lately is a bologna sandwich for lunch. All the other meals are a hellscape of indecision and vague dissatisfaction.
  • I bought new heads for my mechanical toothbrush. I threw the last one away Sunday night and didn’t realize it. Last night I had to brush my teeth with a regular toothbrush like an cavewoman. Did I brush my teeth for 30 seconds? Eight minutes? I don’t know because my stupid toothbrush didn’t buzz to tell me when to switch quadrants. It was a mess.
  • I laid on the couch and read three chapters of The Pleasure Gap: American Women and the Unfinished Sexual Revolution. Fair warning next man I have sex with, I am gonna know so many things. Also, if you are reading this, show yourself already.
  • I got cranky about the author using “begs the question” incorrectly twice in three or four pages so I stopped reading.
  • I soaked my feet and scrubbed 88 pounds of dead skin from them. They look moderately less hobitty. I also plucked my eyebrows. It’s a lot of work to maintain this level of beauty.
  • Then I had to argue about words with Twitter and admit that my kink is pointing out improper use of “begs the question.” I guess, this is another fair warning to the next man I have sex with.
  • Now I am arguing about “14 Songs” on Twitter and wondering if I should have tacos or nachos for dinner (Family Dinner was a Mexican feast and I have a lot of leftovers despite sending so much food home with The Youths because I’m a ridiculous old Minnesota lady who makes roughly three times more food than is necessary).

Tell me about what you did today.
Jodi

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2 Comments

  1. Barb Durham 17.Aug.21 at 8:25 pm

    I’m your blog fan with music anhedonia (don’t like music), so a lot of your posts leave me “meh”, but I loved this one!

    Today I researched the new caterpillar hatch outside. They’re gonna be Hawkmoths, giant moths that look like hummingbirds with antennae. Cool!

    Went to feed neighbor’s cat Moonbeam twice. Doing this for 10 days, while the neighbor and my husband are on a road trip. Poor sweet cat is so starved for affection, I leave there teary. She can’t come here because my evil bastard cat Luther would kill her.

    Ate two of my mini-quiches for breakfast (so proud, as I’m not a willing cook), and a bowl of my pork/black bean chili for lunch/dinner. Many gin&tonics also.

    Streamed Downton Abbey again. My comfort show.
    That’s it. Oh! Took a shower and trimmed my split ends.

    Reply
    1. Jodi Chromey 17.Aug.21 at 8:29 pm

      I love it! Well, except for poor Moonbeam.

      I always feel a little bad for you with all my music posts, but I can’t deny that it’s my main inspiration.

      I had a gin & tonic on Saturday and it was delicious! I hadn’t had one in awhile.

      Reply

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