The COVID Diaries: It’s the Biggest Thing in My Life, I Guess

Attention, Darling Ones!

We’ve officially entered Phyllis the Amaryllis Watch 2021, also known as the only reason for me to get out of bed in the morning. My baby bucket of dirt is gonna burst into a flower any day now. I swear this motherfucker is gonna be four-feet tall by the time it reaches its full height. I guess, I really have no idea how tall it is now but it’s the tallest gal in the Sadness Garden. She’s got at least two inches on Janis, who is a tree! Trevour the Lemon Tree is the tallest guy. I don’t know why I’ve gendered my plants, but I have.

Every morning I come downstairs I have a little bit of anticipation in my heart. It’s like when I was a kid and I’d creep outta my room on Christmas morning. “Oh,” I think to myself. “Did the flower bloom today?” I also spend an inordinate amount of time looking over into the dining room to see if it she’s bloomed yet. Other things I spend an inordinate amount of time doing:

  • complaining about being bored while also not working on The Beast
  • daydreaming about naughty Mad Men shenanigans I’d like to get up to with anybody I have a crush on or Roger Sterling
  • playing Disney Emoji Blitz
  • thinking about what I should make for dinner and why dinner is the absolute worst thing ever and why is it so annoying and how come we have to eat it every day and why can’t someone figure out what I want for dinner and then bring it to me and then get up to some Mad Men shenanigans with me?

Anyway, I socialized today. I spent two very chilly hours in the garage with BFK slurping pho and basking in the glow of her presence. I missed her so goddamn much. It was nice to word vomit everything and nothing at all. If there wasn’t a pandemic and she didn’t own a restaurant and either of us were huggers, I would have hugged her. That’s how much I missed her. After lunch I zoomed with the Tea Ladies who are always wonderful and make me laugh, and I felt so much better I bought a new record I do not need.

I almost feel like a real human again,

P.S. I’m really sick of all the music I already love so I’ve been listening to all kinds of random Spotify playlists. Currently, it’s Songs to Sing in the Shower. I’ve sung every single song on the list out loud beause I know them all by heart. I just finished “Faith” by George Michael. Right now it’s “Kiss Me” by Sixpence None the Richer. A little bit ago there was a full on dance party to “Walking on Glass” by Annie Lennox. However, I’m inordinately salty that Jason Isbell’s “Songs That She Sang in the Shower” isn’t on the list because that’s a song that I actually sang in the shower this morning.

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