I woke up this morning to more Twitter dudes with 30 followers calling me ugly. One asked me why I looked like a obese cancer patient. Because I want to, fucker.
This afternoon a friend texted me, “Did you know you made Mean Tweets?”
“What is mean tweets?”
A video flashed onto my screen. “You’re literally the first one,” he said.
Now I know why all the dudes need to tell me how ugly they think I am. It’s Jimmy Kimmel’s fault.
I’m a little salty about this. Not so much that they used my tweet, but that they didn’t warn me. It seems like a courtesy they should extend to nobodys. “Heads up, we’re gonna show the entire Jimmy Kimmel watching audience that you’re kind of a jackass. FYI bigger jackasses might take offense to what you say.”
Let this be a lesson. . . the Internet’s memory is long and someday you too may be haunted by the truth you spoke about Gwen Stefani nearly three years ago.
I stand by my assertion. Anyone who worked at a gas station in 1996 and spent 8 hours a day listening to alt-radio at the height of “I’m Just a Girl” would agree.