Day 79 of 200: Now it All Makes Sense

I woke up this morning to more Twitter dudes with 30 followers calling me ugly. One asked me why I looked like a obese cancer patient. Because I want to, fucker.

This afternoon a friend texted me, “Did you know you made Mean Tweets?”
“What is mean tweets?”
A video flashed onto my screen. “You’re literally the first one,” he said.

Now I know why all the dudes need to tell me how ugly they think I am. It’s Jimmy Kimmel’s fault.

I’m a little salty about this. Not so much that they used my tweet, but that they didn’t warn me. It seems like a courtesy they should extend to nobodys. “Heads up, we’re gonna show the entire Jimmy Kimmel watching audience that you’re kind of a jackass. FYI bigger jackasses might take offense to what you say.”


Let this be a lesson. . . the Internet’s memory is long and someday you too may be haunted by the truth you spoke about Gwen Stefani nearly three years ago.

I stand by my assertion. Anyone who worked at a gas station in 1996 and spent 8 hours a day listening to alt-radio at the height of “I’m Just a Girl” would agree.

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  1. Susanna 12.Oct.18 at 10:21 am

    OH. MY. GOD. That is terrible and hysterical all at once. Also, if I just saw that picture I would have thought she was Kesha. Maybe they are becoming one pop singer?

    And I think “One asked me why I looked like a obese cancer patient. Because I want to, fucker.” should be your new background or upper-pic or whatever it’s called on Twitter.

    p.s. When I try to leave a comment, I can’t click on the “name” box. I don’t know why. I can only get there by tabbing from here to there. Just in case anyone else is having that issue and too tired to tell you.

  2. dainec 13.Oct.18 at 10:32 am

    Yeesh, your comment was pretty mild, IMO. It was about the music, not the person. I think it’s not so cool that the show uses people’s Twitter handles right on the screen because it’s inviting exactly the kind of harassment you’re experiencing.


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