Day 79 of 200: Now it All Makes Sense

I woke up this morning to more Twitter dudes with 30 followers calling me ugly. One asked me why I looked like a obese cancer patient. Because I want to, fucker.

This afternoon a friend texted me, “Did you know you made Mean Tweets?”
“What is mean tweets?”
A video flashed onto my screen. “You’re literally the first one,” he said.
“Oh.”

Now I know why all the dudes need to tell me how ugly they think I am. It’s Jimmy Kimmel’s fault.

I’m a little salty about this. Not so much that they used my tweet, but that they didn’t warn me. It seems like a courtesy they should extend to nobodys. “Heads up, we’re gonna show the entire Jimmy Kimmel watching audience that you’re kind of a jackass. FYI bigger jackasses might take offense to what you say.”

Cool.

Let this be a lesson. . . the Internet’s memory is long and someday you too may be haunted by the truth you spoke about Gwen Stefani nearly three years ago.

I stand by my assertion. Anyone who worked at a gas station in 1996 and spent 8 hours a day listening to alt-radio at the height of “I’m Just a Girl” would agree.

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2 Comments

  1. Susanna 12.Oct.18 at 10:21 am

    OH. MY. GOD. That is terrible and hysterical all at once. Also, if I just saw that picture I would have thought she was Kesha. Maybe they are becoming one pop singer?

    And I think “One asked me why I looked like a obese cancer patient. Because I want to, fucker.” should be your new background or upper-pic or whatever it’s called on Twitter.

    p.s. When I try to leave a comment, I can’t click on the “name” box. I don’t know why. I can only get there by tabbing from here to there. Just in case anyone else is having that issue and too tired to tell you.

    Reply
  2. dainec 13.Oct.18 at 10:32 am

    Yeesh, your comment was pretty mild, IMO. It was about the music, not the person. I think it’s not so cool that the show uses people’s Twitter handles right on the screen because it’s inviting exactly the kind of harassment you’re experiencing.

    Reply

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