Day 59 of 200: Reasons I Never Told

Because a stranger didn’t grab me off the street, beat me, tear off my clothes, and then penetrated me, and as far as I knew that was the only thing considered rape.
Because nobody ever told me there’s a million ways a man could hurt me and take away my sexual agency that wasn’t random stranger rape and all those things were wrong and not my fault.
Because I was drunk and maybe it wasn’t that bad?
Because I went into the room with him and his friend.
Because I got into his car.
Because he lived next door and I didn’t even know his name. Brian? Maybe?
Because once I started crying and shouting they stopped trying to shove their dicks into my mouth.
Because I was embarrassed.
Because I was afraid.
Because I’m fat I didn’t think anyone would believe me.
Because I’m fat I was afraid someone would think I should be thankful a man would want to touch me at all.
Because I didn’t think anyone would care.
Because I wasn’t entirely sure there was anything to tell.
Because it took me 20 years to learn that maybe these were things I should have told someone about.

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