‘You Are Not a Keeper,’ He Said. Or, The Fault in Our Exclamation Points

Really, that’s what he said. Or rather he texted.

I’m not sure how we got from planning to meet tomorrow for coffee to “You are not a keeper” in one conversation, but we did.

Apparently the 6’3″, 43-year-old IT guy I had been casually texting for a few weeks was not at all thrilled with the level of enthusiasm I was displaying in our text conversation.

I blame my inability to use exclamation points. I really, truly only use them when I’m exclaiming. Sometimes not even then, because they are so gauche. For instance (buried lead approaching), I tweeted the biggest news to hit my life in like 10000 years this afternoon and do you see any exclamation points? No. Because my words and the all-caps seemed sufficient enough to convey my emotion.

So when Keeper asked me what I would ideally like to happen when we met for coffee I said, honestly, “I hope it’s fun and you find my endless nervous chatter charming.”

I got a smiley out of it. I thought I had shown a sufficient amount of interest. After all, I’m the one who suggested coffee when he asked me this afternoon if I was still free tomorrow. That’s enthusiasm right?

When he asked me what would be the worst thing that could happen, I was honest again and told him that I worried about getting stood up. I explained how it had happened a few times before and I always worried about it. Then I explained to him with more than a little bit of sarcasm about how I was the worst first date ever.

Things went off the rails from there. He quickly decided there was little point in meeting because of the aforementioned lack of enthusiasm and my inability to flirt. Seeing that obviously he wasn’t going to get my humor I was all, Okay. Sorry to waste your time. Good luck.

He didn’t like that and headed right for the insults amongst them, “You’re not a keeper.” Damn, that’s some cold shit. Who says that to another person? God.

Now I’m all cranky face for letting this asshole rain on my OH MY GOD TALKING TO AN AGENT parade. And I’m sad because I had really, really great news and nobody to celebrate it with tonight. And I’m angry because he hurt my feelings and I really was interested in meeting him but not about to cave to the expectations placed on me by a man I never met.

Fuck. Dating is so much damn work.

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  1. Charles 30.May.15 at 9:56 am

    Flipping between delight about book, and outrage over Keeper asshat.

    Combined, its hooray, you won’t have to waste any more Supergenius on 6’3″ IT guy, and after Thursday he will most certainly still be a 6’3″ IT guy. And an asshat. You’re headed toward greatness, he’s headed toward Friday.

  2. Suzy 04.Jun.15 at 3:16 pm

    Dating is too hard and not worth the energy, in my opinion. Congratulations on the meeting with the agent. Good thoughts that all goes well (or I guess, went well since it is Thursday).


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