Work is slow right now. I don’t know why and I should probably be panicking. However, I don’t feel like panicking because that is boring and I spent the past two days so unbelievably bored that I kind of prayed for death. See, I was stricken by one of those awful, knife-stabbing, unrelenting sinus headaches. These things are the pits. Joy!
I don’t know what I hate most about the sinus headache: how it laughs in the face of all kinds of pain killers and hot baths; how it robs you of sleep because every time you move your head you wake up and you can only sleep on the couch with an immoveable head for so long before your 6’5″ body wants all the tossing and turning she has grown to love; how it takes away that which you love most: reading, because moving your eyes just makes the knife stabbing pain that much stabbier; how it may relent for an hour and just when you think you’ve survived it comes stabbing right back to life with a mwahahahaha; or how it makes me super crabby and boring and bitchy and generally an utter joy to be around.
Good times at Supergenius HQ this week. I’m sure you’re sorry you’re missing out.
Anyway, since I’m at a point in the 2nd draft of The Beast where I have to think about things (after having a super productive morning writing things) and since I already ate lunch while watching last night’s “Top Chef” and since all my writer pals have busted my chops about the boring Alice Munro winning the Nobel prize, I decided it was time for my quarterly LinkedIn invitation accepting extravaganza.
As you know I hate most all social networks that aren’t Twitter or Instagram. Why? Because I am an angry hermit. I shouldn’t have to explain these things anymore. And while I understand that some business-y, career-oriented people love the crap out of LinkedIn, I am not one of them. Besides, last time I dug into LinkedIn (incidentally after a different, and just as painful sinus headache) all it did was remind me of all my romantic failures.
As I accepted the invitation from the one person I actually knew, and ignored the rest, I saw that I had been endorsed by a bunch of very nice people for skills that I possess that other people are willing to pay me money to use. I thank those endorsers, because it is nice to be valued for the things you know. However, because LinkedIn is geared toward business people and money making and all those kinds of sordid affairs I feel as though my real skills are highly underrated, like:
- Knowing all the words to the rap in the middle of New Edition’s “Cool it Now.” (I also know the one at the end of the song too, but the middle one seems a little more impressive. Everyone remembers the Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky, and Mike if I love a girl who cares who you like? part. I know the “Mr. Telephone Man” dance too, but I don’t like to brag.)
- The ability to name which episode of “The Office” is on by watching 30 seconds of it.
- Being able to recognize anyone who was on “Dawson’s Creek” ever, no matter how small the role.
- Maker of very fine cookies and banana bread.
- With a nearly 7-foot wingspan I can reach all the things at almost all the times.
- I can Gleek on command. (My sisters would probably say this is a disgusting skill but I maintain they are just jealous)
Those are just a few. I could probably list more if I hadn’t already grown bored with writing this post (growing bored in the middle of something is kind of a skill, right?).