A few things I could probably win a genius grant because of (not the least of which is this awkward headline)

So for the 40th year in a row I was denied a MacArthur Genius Grant. I’m pretty sure this repeated snubbing has more to do with the fact that people keep forgetting to nominate me than it has to do with my bona fide geniusness.

I understand. Life is busy. You have work to do and books to read and “Dancing With the Stars” to watch and iPhone 5 wallpapers to choose (I went boring and just kept the Superman one I’ve been using for like 281 years. Also, the iPhone 5 is sexy and tall, exactly how I like my men. Also, I’m struggling a little with the five rows of icon paradigm shift. Also, my iPhone 4 looks like a stupid brick about as quaint as a Motorola Razr).

So to help you along with next year’s nomination forms, I thought I’d make a handy list of things you could probably nominate me about if you were so inclined.

  • Roasted tomatillo salsa making. I learned how to make this tonight and it was delicious.
  • Along those lines: banana chocolate chip muffin making. My niece, Jaycie, just requested my baked goods in lieu of a birthday cake. She turns 15 on Thursday.
  • Procrastination.
  • Opinions about David Foster Wallace. I finished reading Every Love Story is a Ghost Story this weekend and I’m not afraid to tell you about it..
  • Blogging. Twelve years motherfuckers, with this many thousands of words there has got to be some sort of genius in them thar archives.
  • Starting and then abandoning crochet projects. I’m in the midst of making three blankets and one pair of slippers.
  • Thinking derisive thoughts about this really stupid show on CBS right now called “Partners” where the gay stereotype unloaded a bunch of bullshit gender, housewife stereotypes to the hoots and hollers of the studio audience. This is awful, bad, awful, not funny TV at its worst.
  • Scaring the crap out of the UPS Man today. I don’t he expected someone so tall to answer the door, much less someone so tall and female.
  • Inane list making in an attempt to get back into the habit of writing after taking last week off due to burn out.
  • Other stuff I can’t think of at the moment but probably includes: arguing on Twitter, excitement regarding upcoming presidential debates, and nap-taking.


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  1. Bonny Holder 02.Oct.12 at 10:32 am

    Jaycie is 15???? OMG.

  2. NBFB 02.Oct.12 at 11:45 am

    You could crochet yourself some sort of award. Or, at least start on something…


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