- Why do you always leave the cupboard doors open? Are they too heavy for you to close? Too busy to take 0.3 seconds out of your life to just shut the damn door? The next time I slam my head into one of those cupboard doors I am going to march right out here and kick your ass.
- Leaving your dirty clothes in the bathroom is gross. The laundry room is like half a step away from the bathroom, just throw them in there where they belong. In fact, I think if you worked at it, you could actually throw your dirty clothes into the laundry room without even leaving the bathroom!
- The bathroom downstairs is for guests, not a mail repository. Why do you have to open all the mail while you use the bathroom, that’s stupid. Can’t you just wait that extra three seconds it takes you to pee to see how much the electricity bill is? Also that box of your new business cards has been sitting on the floor next to the sink in there for like a week. That’s gross.
- The Rolling Stones? Again? You’ve been listening to them for over two hours. Can’t we listen to something from, oh, I don’t know, this decade?
- We are not letting one more book into this house until you take care of the other THIRTY-SEVEN that are lying about in a disorganized manner. Do you hear me? I’m not even kidding.
- Why do you insist on buying those Superhero stamps? Do you like adding extra postage? Do you think anyone even notices if you send them something with a Batman stamp on it? I doubt it. You’re weird.
- Put your shoes away. Oh is the front closet too messy? Well then clean it up and then put your shoes away.
- Are you even listening to me?
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