dear Carl,

i was just listening to “Letter from an Occupant” for about the 39,921st time in the last little while here. today instead of making it shake my ass, it instead nearly made me cry.

first before you get all uppity with me, i know that it’s all about Neko on that one, but when i hear Neko,i think of you, you gotta understand that (also, if you and neko ever want like a threesome or something, totally call me because neko is hot, and if you aren’t into that kind of thing, just call me, ok?).

anyway carl, i nearly burst into tears because, well, i don’t know how to tell you this carl. it’s just so hard.

but carl, i have to tell you. i won’t be able to make our date for the New Pornographers’ concert on Saturday October 22 at First Ave. i’m so so so sorry. it’s totally not my fault. if it were up to me, i’d be there radiating that make sweet sweet love to me vibe that mr. mike doughty knows so well.

but carl, it is not my call. it is not up to me. sadly, it is up to sister #4. you know the one that i live with, the one who was supposed to be married on the day you are playing at first ave. the day that you and i were meant to be together.

see, instead of getting married, sister #4 is throwing a weird pity party and my attendance is not negotiable. i tried, oh hell yes, i tried to get out of it. i thought since she’s in preliminary talks to get back together with the man who was to be her husband that i could totally skip out of the pity party.

but no. NO. clearly hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. because that fury was rained all over my ass when i suggested that i might skip the pity party in order to attend your performance. when that didn’t work, i tried to suggest that perhaps i could leave early to attend the concert.

neither of these solutions met with sister approval. which totally sucks. TOTALLY SUCKS.

if i didn’t have to live with the wench, i’d totally ditch. but i thought that maybe it would be a little awkward to bring you home after the show and make sweet sweet love with her being all bitchy and disapproving because i ditched her party.

surely you understand, right carl?

right?

anyway, you can totally totally give me a call after the show and we can hook up.

love,
jodi