the one thing that i look forward to and isn’t making me a totally crabby bitch

bored and petulant is not a good way to spend the afternoon. clearly, i am only happy when the roof is on fire. because when i only have one or two tasks to complete at work i get all pouty and whiny and bored.

it doesn’t help that the hormonal harbinger of hell has arrived in my life, leaving me restless and even more petulant than before. i’m in that pathetic needy stage of my cylce where i want to cry out for attention and affection. it’s so sad.

basically nothing is going to make me happy for the next twelve days. i don’t want to be at work because i think i have better things to do. i don’t want to be at home beause all the better things i have to do are so overwhelming that i just want to sit on the couch and relax but that’s not even fun anymore because the couch is surrounded by boxes and i just think about all the stuff that still needs to be put inside of boxes.

the only thing that makes life worth living today, is the fact that i get to

oh wait, this probably entirely too much information so if you don’t want to know intimate details of intimate stuff, you’ve been warned. DO NOT READ ON!!

so yeah, you perverts, i’ve invented this new way of practicing. it so totally rocks my casbah that when i’m done, i end up breathless, sweaty, and congratulating myself on just how damn good i am. if i only had one more hand, i’d probably die from sheer pleasure.

honest. i mean i’m a pretty jaded masturbator, seeing as i do it so damn much. so it takes something special to make me see stars, at least when i’m all alone. and i’ve done it. i get a little giddy when i go to bed at night, because i am that excited to practice. it’s one of those things where i am so amazed and impressed with myself that i have to refrain from telling people in exacting detail just how AMAZING i am.

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9 Comments

  1. art vandelay 01.Sep.05 at 2:15 pm

    does this newfangled technique happen to involve a counterclockwise twirl?

    Reply
  2. jodi 01.Sep.05 at 2:18 pm

    no, art, it doesn’t. but tonight it might. i didn’t think it could get any better, but well, we’ll soon find out.

    Reply
  3. art vandelay 01.Sep.05 at 2:30 pm

    i expect a full report in the morning. thanks…

    xoxo arthur

    Reply
  4. Damon 01.Sep.05 at 2:30 pm

    Shouldn’t the details of your new discovery be published on the internets so that it may bring others great joy?

    Reply
  5. jodi 01.Sep.05 at 2:33 pm

    arthur & damon,

    this is a family friendly website. we don’t share such things with the internets and totally random strangers.

    the details, sites, and sounds of these types of things are only for a select few.

    Reply
  6. madison & paco 01.Sep.05 at 2:40 pm

    that’s right! and a lucky select few we are…

    Reply
  7. jodi 01.Sep.05 at 2:51 pm

    ok, that’s just mean. i can’t help it i can’t get laid. can i?

    Reply
  8. UH 01.Sep.05 at 9:51 pm

    You could get laid if you really wanted to. I, for one, am happy you’re holding out for more than just getting laid.

    And I mean that sincerely, lest you thing that’s being said sarcastically.

    Reply
  9. jodi 01.Sep.05 at 10:20 pm

    that’s easy for someone who gets laid on a regular basis to say.

    Reply

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