as we were walking into the fair on tuesday morning, there was a giant stand that said ‘Fair Dos.’ fair dos, for those who don’t know, are where little kids get their hair all ‘punked’ out for the fair. it costs like $6 to have some 17-year-old from owatonna or something put your kid’s hair in pig-tails, rat them up and then spray them with neon orange and neon pink glittery hair spray. you get the picture (sadly i didn’t take any picture of this).

“oh a fair do!” jaycie exclaimed as we walked by.
“no honey,” i said. “that’s a fair don’t!”

of course the sister club dissolved into hiccuping laughter. not so much because the joke was funny but more out of our sheer giddiness at being at the fair.

we then spent the rest of the day pointing out fair don’ts.

fishnet stockings + black hippy skirt + flip-flops = FAIR DON’T
cute 89.3 The Current Baseball Cap = FAIR DO
copious underarm flab + tank top = FAIR DON’T
bucket of sweet martha’s cookies hanging from your wrist = FAIR DO
ironic ashton kutcher trucker’s cap + two dangly silver hoop earrings + constant palsied shake of head to make earrings jingle = FAIR DON’T
riding through the fair on your skateboard = FAIR DO
fanny pack = FAIR DON’T
‘doing’ your hair to go to the fair = FAIR DON’T (you’d be surprised how much 80s hair appears at the fair)
cowprint t-shirts = FAIR DON’T

of course, the stink found the biggest fair don’t.

he came running up to me and whipped out his cell phone.

“LOOK!” he shouted. “That’s the biggest fair don’t ever!”
“OH NO!” i said.

and there captured for all eternity was a bucket of sweet martha’s cookies spilled all over the ground.

“if that were me, i’d be like max and the ice cream cone.