i just had the weirdest dream i’ve had in awhile.
i was at this giant barnes and noble with my entire family. mom, dad, the sisters, the brothers-in-law, jaycie, max and the peanut. i’m not sure why we were all at the bookstore. that remains a mystery but we were all there and this barnes and noble was HUGE.
i was shopping around and i picked up a book. i went to go pay for the book when a tall blonde woman stopped me and asked me if i’d like to be part of a study they were doing. something about readers and intelligence or something.
i said sure and she lead me to this subsub basment in this giant barnes and nboble. i got to the basement and there was this doctor’s officey looking room. there was like an examination table and five or six young men and women waiting to study me. or at least i thought all the young men and women would be involved.
i asked the blonde lady who was apparently the grand high mad scientist how long this was going to take. she said about two and a half hours. i was a bit concerned because i knew my family would start to worry. i asked her if we could go tell them to leave without me and i’d catch up with them afterwards.
she was a little perturbed but agreed.
we marched upstairs to find my family and they were all sitting around a table waiting for me. i told them to go on without me as i was gonna take part in this study. sister #2 was sorta pissed off, because allegedly they needed my truck to haul the whole family home.
“how many cars do we have here?” i asked.
“three,” sister #4 said.
“is that enough?”
“sure,” my mom said.
sister #2 just made a mad face and off they went. i went back to the subsubbasement doctor’s office thing with the mad scientistlady.
once we reached the sub-basement two of my co-workers were sitting at a table waiting for me. i told them they could go and they wanted to make sure i was going to be all right. after much convincing on mine and the mad scientistlady’s part they left.
then the mad scientistlady made me put on one of those crazy paper doctor’s office gowns. only it wasn’t paper, it was cloth. i sorta protested but she said it was very important they watch my arms and chest while conducting the study.
i put it on and then was left to meet my study guy. he was the most adorable, blonde-haired 23-year-old on the face of the earth. i met him and immediately wanted to fuck him. i think he could tell.
before we got started i whined that i had to, had to, had to go to the bathroom.
“where’s a bathroom?” i asked. he gave me a funny look and said there was only one in the cess pool.
“the cess pool,” he said.
“uhh. . .”
“c’mon,” he said and grabbed my hand.
he lead me to the sub-sub-sub basement and an area labled the cess pool (there was a little sign). i peaked around the wall and there was this GIANT swimming pool in the sub-sub-sub basement of barnes and noble. i was amazed. there were about six or seven young women in bikinis gadding about in the pool.
“see,” he said, “the rumors are true.”
i went potty, in the most super high-tech bathroom i’d ever seen. it was all done in black and you could take a shower while you peed. there were perfume machines and shampoo dispensing machines in each of the bathroom stalls.
there was a baby-changing table in the middle that could be turned on to warm it up. it was all really quite bizarre.
once i finished i journeyed back out and found my hot studygivingboy in the doctor’s office. he was so hot. i really wanted to fuck him. but at this point i knew we had to get down to business so we could get this study thing done before barnes and noble closed at 11:30.
we commenced with the study by sitting at a small card table in the doctor’s office-type room. he handed me a book and said we were going to play a game. i had to read the clues to him and he had to guess the answer. there was a small, square notebook with the clues in there and little boxes for the answer. so you knew ahead of time how many letters were in the answer.
i sat there in my robey thing and he sat next to me. our knees bumped under the table and he jumped away like i burned him. we got to playing this game. but i couldn’t read suddenly. i could read the words in the book but i couldn’t seem to pronounce them out loud. i was growing ever frustrated. it was like i had dyslexia of the mouth.
i started to cry because i was getting frustrated. this alarmed hot-studyboy. he tried to convince me i was ok and things were going just fine. but i cried and cried. then i got tired. so very, very tired that i just wanted to put my head down on the table and sleep.
so that’s just what i did and hot studyboy lay his head next to mine and stroked the back of my head and neck.
at that point i wanted to marry him. but then the rest of the incredibly goodlooking, 22-24-year-old study people got involved. they gathered around the card table to get a gander at the crying stupid girl.
my hot studyboy woke up and he gave me a candybar (hersheys with almonds) to perk me up. i broke off a piece and ate it. the rest of the goodlooking study kids looked at me with hunger. i knew they wanted a piece.
so i broke off a piece for everyone. though they all insisted they couldn’t take the candy from me. i begged and they gave in. so we sat around the card table eating this candy bar and i looked around the room.
off to my right was a white shelving thing running up the whole height of the wall. on one of the shelves was a fisher-price white house toy. but only instead of fisher price people, there were monkeys in all the rooms.
one of the study boys say me looking at it.
“i tried to put monkeys into all the rooms i think the president would sit in.”
i just laughed and laughed.
i got to talking to the good looking studybunch about their work and what not. they were talking to me about how they had all graduated (or not graduated) college and i was holding hot studyboy’s hand under the table.
then the phone rang and it was sister #4 telling me she was gonna take a shower and the go to the bank before she picked me up to go shopping.
i had two other dreams one that involved a house with a fountain running down the steps and one that involved,the university i went to, dawson from dawson’s creek and my boss.
it was a busy night for me in dreamland. no wonder i’m so exhausted still.