i am freaking right the fuck out

wow. i think i just had a major anxiety attack. i don’t think i’ve ever had one before. it was either that or a heartattack, and i know you don’t recover from those that quickly.

my chest is still a bit fluttery, but i’m trying to take deep breaths to calm myself down. the only problem is that i keep forgetting where i am. i have a friend who told me when i start to freak out that i need to take ten slow and deep breaths. usually it helps, but i always forget to count and if i only do four breaths, then i get al fluttery-chested again and suddenly it feels like my shirt doesn’t fit and my eyes start to water and i can’t breath because there’s just so much so much so much a house to buy and a big work thing to get through and to pack and to call the movers and to turn off the electricity and what about all the money i need to save the money but i want to go see the hold steady and i have to have this very important thing written by the end of the day and what about finding my pay stubs and do i make enough money and i just want to read that book but i need to pack because there is a lot of packing to get done oh and i need to get that thing done before the end of the day and what if i die alone and god will everyone just quit bugging me ever? ever?

and then i can’t breathe again.

if i don’t lose my motherfucking mind by september 12th, i should be nominated for sainthood.

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4 Comments

  1. PeeWee 23.Aug.05 at 5:18 pm

    Somebody needs to get into making “to do lists”.
    It helps to forget about it when you have it written down.

  2. Robin 23.Aug.05 at 5:49 pm

    Yep, that does sound like a panic/anxiety attack. A quick change of scene, like going outside for five minutes or so, can help if they’re just isolated fits like you described.

  3. Ehartwig 23.Aug.05 at 7:02 pm

    The Hold Steady own my stereo right now. If only their show wouldn’t be 21+

  4. Tam 24.Aug.05 at 8:31 pm

    (hugs)

    … and yes, that WAS an anxiety attack.

    Also – I’m with you on the moving anxiety. House owning sucks and is still one of the best things you can do with your cash. How it can embrace polar opposites, I have no idea.