Hiya Darling Ones,

Yesterday my physical therapist and my swimming therapist met with me while I was in the pool, and despite my howls of complaint, they are going to discharge me on June 12th.

I am not handling it well.

One of my most dreaded exercises are sit to stands, where I have to repeatedly sit and stand without using my hands. They’re difficult to do. They hurt my knees and make me feel super wobbly. I do then, of course, but not without some whining.

After we discussed the end of my physical therapy, I said, like the petulant brat I can be, “I’m never got to sit or stand again once I’m done.” They both laughed because they get me.

Rationally, I tell myself that if this is as good as it gets, it’s not too shabby. I’m stronger than I was a year ago. I know what I need to do to continue building that strength.

Emotionally, I’m a wreck. I can’t walk without my walker. Walking while carrying something still hasn’t happened. I can’t drive (though I did renew my driver’s license today).

I’m still broken! I’m afraid I will never be fixed. What the fuck?

As you can see, I’m still in the freaking out phase of this change. I zoomed with my beloved Tea Ladies today and they told me to go ahead and complain. So here I am, complaining.

Because my progress has plateaued and because I’ll soon have access to an accessible pool (Sister #4 is putting in a pool at her place at the end of June) my therapists are breaking up with me. It’s so rude.

My therapists want me to be self-motivated and continue working on my own through the summer until I see the neurologist. After that we can reassess my physical therapy needs.

Of all the level-headed and pragmatic approaches. Hrmph!

While I understand the plan and agree that it’s a good course of action I still hate it. I don’t like being cut loose from the routine and accountability of physical therapy. I shouldn’t be left to my own devices. Look where my devices have gotten me so far.

I’m hopeful the stubborn, die on every hill, enduring out of pure spite part of my personality takes over and I can make a lot of progress on my own at La Piscina de La Hermana. I mean, look how far that portion of my personality has gotten me in Spanish.

There’s a good chance I just float on my back sucking down gin & tonics all summer. Who knows? The future is a mystery.

Scared & spitefully yours,
Jodi