Hey Darling Ones,

At the beginning of our friendship, Wolfdogg and I used to chat all the time on GChat.

This was in the early aughts the glory days of message boards, Google Reader, and chatting.

Since he worked third shift at the time, he’d be winding down for the day while I sat in my cube at the software company.

My favorite thing to do was randomly type the lyrics to the worst songs into the chat in an attempt to get them stuck in his head. “You’re the Inspiration” by Chicago, was a frequent choice. It’s such an insipid song and will immediately get stuck in your head on repeat.

This song has been stuck in my head for the past day or so. Definitely payback for all my nefarious deeds, but for another reason too.

Yesterday, at the end of a Zoom meeting a client told me I was inspiring. Me.

It took me by surprise. So much so, I didn’t even make a sarcastic comeback. I just said thank you.

Am I handling the stroke with grace and dignity? Hell no. I’m cranky and whiny and sometimes bratty. Today as we waited for lymphedema therapy I turned to Sister #4 and said the same thing I said to Sister #2 a week ago. “I’m so sick of having a stroke.”

I’m so sick of it. So sick of myself. There are many days where I want to stay in bed and just wait for death to arrive.

But I don’t. One, I’m not ready to die. Two, I’m stubborn. And, three, I have so much inspiring me.

Here’s an abridged list of what inspires me get out of bed and do all the hard things.

  • My family. They’d be so bummed if I died. They’ve stepped up in ways I will ever be able to repay.
  • My friends. See above.
  • Sugar-free Minute Maid Fruit Punch. Since learning I was diabetic I’ve sworn off sugary, delicious Arnold Palmers. Now I have this to live for.
  • That Bully record
  • My nightly peanut butter sandwich. It helps me maintain my blood sugar overnight. Staying in target is a weird game I play with my body. I’ve been in target 94% of the time over the last month according to my continuous glucose monitor.
  • Physical & Occupational Therapy. Every week for two hours J and K, my therapists, turn me into a sweaty pile of goo. It’s hard work, frequently scary, and always humbling, but they both want me to get better. Plus, they laugh at my jokes.
  • Spite. I want to piss off the troll by thriving.
  • Thank you cards. I love making & sending cards to everyone who donates. It’s fun and allows me some time to focus on being grateful. The kindness and generosity of my friends, my family’s friends, and virtual strangers astounds me.
  • Peanut Butter Dippers. These are my favorite cookies from the Cub bakery in Shakopee. When I’ve been 100% in target all day I reward myself with a cookie (which, surprisingly, does not spike my blood sugar). Sadly, the bakery was out of cookies today so now I have to settle for something else.
  • Top Chef. I’m rewatching the series to prepare for the big Sister Club Christmas trivia competition.
  • A new kitten. Sister #4 took in a stray after she couldn’t find the cat’s owner. That cat gave birth to six kittens yesterday. Wendell’s getting a friend.
  • You. Darling Ones, I will never be able to convey how much your support has meant to me. Not just since the stroke, but over the past 23 years. I love you all.

You really do bring meaning to my life!


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