Hi Darling Ones,
Ever since my dad died in September, he has been in every single dream I remember having. Doesn’t matter what the theme of the dream is, he’s there, usually in the background. He rarely has a speaking role.
He had a bigger role in the dreams shortly after his death, and the him in those dreams was the frail him of his last two years. The him in my dreams now, as an extra in the movies of my subconscious, is him from about 25? 30? years ago. It’s him with hair that is dark and he usually has a mustache.
I don’t know why my brain chooses that version of him. Brains are weird.
Do not worry I’m not going to go in-depth about the weirdo dream I had last night. Nobody cares about your dreams. I know that. I will just mention the subplots to last night’s dream involved Cher, Dolly Parton, skinny-dipping, Carrie Bradshaw, Mr. Edwards, my sisters and niece, and Pete Davidson. I do not know what I was on about last night.
Anyway, I’m writing about this dream because it’s clinging to me and I cannot shake it. It’s bugging me.
Last night’s dream involved being on a train with my parents and my dad informing me I had forgotten to go to work for the last four months.
And I said to him, “I haven’t gone to work since my dad died?”
He was all, “Yep. That was kind of dumb.”
It’s the anxiety of the dream I cannot shake. The dread in my stomach at the thought of logging into my work email for the first time in four months to explain to my boss, Darren, how I forgot to go to work for the last sixteen weeks in a row.
Lest you forget, in my waking life I do not have a boss, much less one named Darren. I have not had a boss since 2009.
I haven’t forgotten to go work for the last sixteen weeks. In fact, I worked so much since my dad died I was just celebrating a lull. A lull, I must say with some disdain, that lasted about as long as it took to write that blog post.
So what the fuck is my brain going on about? And, more importantly, why is it that I cannot shake the anxiety the dream dripped all over me?
Please solve my brain.