Back on My Bullshit, This Time With New Glasses

So, Darling Ones, it’s confession time.

One of my unwritten about (I think) goals for 2022 was to get my food hoarding under control. I don’t know the scale of severity when it comes to hoarding food. All my food is contained in the kitchen. I don’t need extra racks in my garage for boxes of pasta. Hell, I don’t even have an extra refrigerator or freezer in my garage like a lot of Minnesotans.

Still, I keep my house stocked with more food than a single woman probably needs to keep on hand.

Part of my problem is that I don’t only hoard food for myself. I like to keep stuff on hand for any potential guests. My friends and family love that I have a large drawer in the middle of my fridge that only holds soda. We’re talking probably 40 cans of six kinds of soda I won’t drink. There are three teeny, tiny cans of Diet Coke from a ten-pack I bought in March. Those are mine.

When I know my family is coming, around the holidays, I load up on the snacks they like (that I don’t). Then in February I send a bag of Cherry Pop Tarts, Oatmeal Creme Pies, and various Christmas candies to BFK’s house because I can’t let it go to waste and I know her son will eat it.

Nobody makes me do this. While my friends and family expect me to do this, because this is what I do, they are never angry if I don’t. When Sisters #2 & #4 came in June I did not buy any extra snacks. I wanted to go out and spend $100 on crap food, but I didn’t. I explained to them how I was working on curbing the hoarding and they congratulated me on my restraint.

I was doing so well. I was down to three frozen pizzas instead of six. Three pounds of bacon in the freezer instead of five. I was eating down the supply and not rebuilding it immediately.

That was until the perfect storm of inflation-anxiety + inherent frugality + monkeypox anxiety + a Target Circle deal where you get $15 off if you spend $75 or more. And now I’m the very ashamed owner of six pounds of four-different kinds or rice and seven boxes of pasta. Plus there’s more sugar and flour and various baking chips. Crackers, and garlic powder, and sweetened condensed milk, oh my!

I imagine I’m feeling like any other addict who has fallen off the wagon, a mix of ohmygod this feels so good and deep, deep shame.

I’m so ashamed, being a fat food hoarder is fucking awful. People already assume I’m greedy and gluttonous because of my size. I feel like I’m feeding into the stereotype.

I’m also a little bit sad. As I’ve said before, you can take the girl out of her food-scarce childhood in poverty but you can’t take the food-scarce childhood in poverty out of the woman.
Jodi Chromey, Supergenius, with new specs
Maybe this is something I’ll never be able to get away from. It’s been at least twenty years since I’ve gone hungry due to lack of money, and yet here I am with all of the rice.

Bleh. Dealing with the repercussions of childhood and young-adult trauma sucks. At least I got new glasses! (Pictured to the right).

The jury, consisting of me and my myriad moody personalities, is still out on the specs.

Pros: I dig them because they look like cartoon glasses. If I were so inclined I could awooga with these glasses while my tongue rolls out of my mouth and drops to the floor. If you asked a four-year-old kid to draw a pair of glasses, they’d draw these.

Cons: They really seem to not just highlight, but really frame the dark circles and bags under my eyes. Also, I’m not sure if the tops of my cheeks need corrective lenses.

Not quite pro or con: I can now push my glasses back up my face without my hands using the aforementioned cheeks.

Awoogaing over you,

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  1. Heather Logan 24.Jul.22 at 2:52 pm

    I see zero problem with having a well-stocked & considerate pantry. It’s generous to both future you and your loved ones. Unless it’s going to waste or causing you financial stress, I would like to encourage you to look upon it more kindly.

    1. Jodi Chromey 24.Jul.22 at 11:24 pm

      It doesn’t go to waste, because I give it away before it goes bad. I’ll always be well-stocked. It’s more about being cognizant of how much money I have in my cupboards that might be better served some place else (savings, paying off my mortgage, new records).


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