I Do Appreciate Your Being ‘Round

Dear Darling Ones,

I promise not to turn this into a blog about The Windmill Fundraiser. However, I have some more things to say.

When I was down with the COVID I had a discussion with someone about how I much I hated to ask for help. I thought this discussion happened in the comments here, but I can’t find it. It might have occured in my imagination. That happens sometimes.

The woman I had the discussion with was all, “Stop being a dumbass and ask for help when you need it.” And I just made a scowly face in return, which she couldn’t see because I think this all occurred on the internet.

When I told Sisters #2 & #4 about the fire at The Windmill last Tuesday morning their initial shock and sadness, and then they said, “we’ll set up a GoFundMe.” And I was all yes, of course.

Then I had to set up the GoFundMe. On the outside I was giving BFK & Atom lectures about how there’s nothing to be ashamed of, how this is not begging, and how people want to help. Sister #2 was also lecturing on community aid and asking for what you need. We’re fun at parties!

Let me tell you, Darling Ones, setting up that GoFundMe and clicking the share button are two very different things.

Asking for help is fucking scary. Pressing that share button felt like asking everyone I ever met at anytime in my life if they wanted to go on a date with me. It was like passing a note across a row of desks asking, “Do you like me? Circle one: yes no”

Is it irrational to pin any amount of your self-worth on a fundraiser that benefits your best friend as if this is a reflection of your actual value in the world? Uh, yeah it is.

I did it anyway.

Darling Ones, so many people circled yes that I’ve been an on & off emotional, weepy mess since Sunday. SO MANY PEOPLE! Bowlers said yes. Westernerds said yes. Old internet rivals whose gooey sweet center I promised never to reveal said yes. Darling Ones, many of you said yes. And those are just the names I recognized. A lot of people who I never heard of and who have no clue I exist said yes. So far 103 people have said yes. In just two days we raised enough for one week of pay for all the people left jobless after the fire. Now we’re working on another week. Every bit helps and every donation, no matter the amount, makes me so damn thankful I could burst.

That is amazing and touching and if work weren’t still kicking my ass I would sit and cry about it while contemplating the drive to help and the unending kindness of so many people I’m honored to share my life with in some way, shape, or form.

If I could, I would invite you all over for soup (though right now I have Cuban pork with mojo in the oven and the smell is probably what God smells like if I believed in an all-powerful deity like that) and we could listen to records and I would tell you all things that are amazing about you as a way to say thanks.

Instead, I included you on the tacky collage of a lot of my favorite things I could think of off the top of my head. I also included a pictogram of one of my favorite songs which nobody will get but makes me laugh and laugh and laugh and compliment myself on my own cleverness.

All my love,

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