Dear Darling Ones,
Yesterday BFK walked into Supergenius HQ toting a giant, glittery-snowflake dappled bag with tissue paper peeping out of the top. I took one look at it and said, “If that’s for me I’m gonna be pissed.”
She grimaced at me as she dropped the bag at my feet. “You said you only want presents that make me think, Jodi needs to have that.”
I scowled and made huffy breath noises, because I did say that. I say that a lot, actually. I’m old and I own tons of crap. I don’t want people to feel obligated to buy me stuff for any of the gift-giving occasions. So I say, a lot, the thing about only wanting gifts that make people think of me. If I never get another gift again because people don’t think of me, that’s okay. I’ve gotten eighty-kabillon thoughtful gifts in my lifetime. Wheat pennies and used records and vintage dishes and signed books and just today Sister #4 sent me some Grover Bombas.
As BFK dove into her lunch I started to gingerly pull tissue paper from the bag, and then I folded it neatly.
“You don’t have to do that,” she said.
“Uh, yeah I do,” I said. “We’re not wasting this. I’m gonna fold all of it neatly, put it back into the bag, and you’re going to take it home so you can reuse it.”
She rolled her eyes at me.
“It’s my gift to you.”
Darling Ones, I did not get her a gift. I didn’t even think about it because from Thanksgiving up until yesterday I’ve been super depressed.
The first thing I pulled out of that bag was a small container of peanut butter blossom cookies. “These are my favorite!”
“Those aren’t part of the gift,” she said. “Those are just what was leftover from the cookies I made.”
“I don’t care,” I said. “They’re still my favorite.”
The next thing I pulled out of the bag was a gift so sweet and thoughtful I thought about crying, but didn’t.
“YOU GOT ME DONUTS?!”
“You saw donuts and thought of me?” I asked.
She nodded again.
“This is the best present ever,” I exclaimed.
She sighed. “That’s not even the real gift,” she said.
The real gift was a Funko Pop of Wonder Woman riding on Pegasus. She said she got it for me because Wonder Woman is an Amazon and Pegasus is from Greek Mythology and because I love Funko Pops. I told her that her gift logic passed muster and that I would accept this present. I didn’t say that. I thanked her profusely and told her I loved her.
I’ve been a little Ponyboy Curtis today with only two things on my mind, neither of which are Paul Newman or a ride home. My mind has been pre-occupied by the thoughtful donuts and the TV show “Succession.” I’m in love with this show. I’ve got like five more episodes of the third season and then I’ll be done with it. I’m kinda ready to be done with it because I spend all the time I’m not thinking about donuts thinking about the Roy siblings, Connor Roy specifically.
Connor is the oddball, not entirely in touch with reality eldest Roy sibling. He’s a half-sib, like me. And he’s played by Alan Ruck who also played my fictional soul twin Cameron Frye in “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.” And another thing about Connor? He likes donuts too.