The COVID Diaries: The Deep Heat of a Fleeting Crush

Dear Darling Ones,

Every time I login to the WordPress Dashboard for I Will Dare I get the top searches of the day. Most of the time it’s about Tootsie Pop flavor rankings, Dawson’s Creek, or being a 6’5″ woman.

However, today one of the top searches is “you fucking assholes ruining everything.” I don’t think I’ve been prouder of anything in all of 2020. Well, maybe the big Supergenius HQ Refinance of 2020 as an unmarried, self-employed woman, but after that, it’s that search.

Today one of my favorite clients tested positive for COVID. They got the test as a proactive move for an upcoming work event. So far they’re asymptomatic, but I’m so anxious.

I’m convinced I’m never going to go anywhere until sometime in 2021, maybe. I was kind of an angry hermit before but I still did a few things, and I miss those things. I miss going out for tea with the Tea Ladies. I really miss CSA Supperclub with BFK. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I miss hugging people and I hate hugging people! I think the last time I was hugged was by my Aunt Shari back in April? I don’t think I’ve been touched by another human being since April.

I didn’t expect that to make me cry, but here I am. This pandemic is not helping my innate sense of loneliness.

Uffda. Sometimes I don’t know where these diary posts are going to go. I thought I was gonna write about my stupid cat jumping on top of the new dining room bookshelves and getting back down without knocking over all the glass things. Then I was gonna write about the orange striped vase my friend Seamus bought me for either Valentine’s Day or my birthday and then promptly forgot he bought it for me. When I reminded him about it he said, “I must have really had the hots for you that week” and we laughed and laughed as single, never-married 30somethings who understood the deep heat of a fleeting crush.

But no instead I end writing about being an untouched leper-like monster.

Your queen of the buzzkill,

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