The COVID Diaries: Momentary Absence of Dread

Here at Aunt Jodi’s Home for Wayward Nephews we had a pretty quiet and mellow weekend, which was a fucking delight after the high drama of of last weekend. The only thing that would have made the weekend better would have been getting a break from work.

I am not complaining, because I’m grateful to have work, but it’s really very busy and working seven days a week in the middle of an apocalypse while also trying to acclimate a traumatized kid to you house has been a lot. I’m behind on all my hobbies. I haven’t finished reading a book in over a week and my temperature blanket? Whoo.

It’s just been stress on top of stress on top of stress and oddly — knock on wood, cross myself, thank my lucky stars — I have been sleeping like a muthafuckin’ champ. This surprises me to no end. Every morning I wake up and I’m all, “DAMN, I slept the whole night without waking up at all.” It’s nice and I think it’s the sleep that has helped me keep my shit together for the most part.

Another thing that has helped tremendously? Watching live-streaming performances from my favorite musicians. This weekend I got to watch Wolfdogg twice. As my friend EM, who joined the Twitch stream today said, “That just filled my heart up.” Mine too.

I’ve also been joining Amanda Shires’ “I So Lounging” YouTube live thing every day at 5 p.m. (central) and basically low-key weeping for about a half hour while she and Jason Isbell sing songs and riff with their friends. Both the nephews know to leave me alone while I’m “watching my show” and they don’t question if tears leak from my eyes and for that I am also grateful. Because I can’t really explain the weeping because it’s not joy or happiness, but maybe it’s just the relief of the momentary absence of dread that makes me cry.

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