When I’m out running errands in trusty, ol’ Ruby, I’ve taken to listening to KOOL-108 the local oldies station. Yes, 89.3 The Current is my radio soulmate, but a lot of times I just want to singalong to the radio while I’m driving around and I know all the words to all the songs on KOOL-108.

Oftentimes, KOOL-108 hurts my feelings by playing something like “Losing My Religion” by REM. On the oldies station. REM. And sometimes they double-plus hurt my feelings by playing “I’m Just a Girl” by No Doubt, which is just gross on many levels.

1. That song came out after college
2. Gwen Stefani
3. Gwen Stefani who is literally the worst thing to ever happen
4. That song sucks so much ass

Despite the hurty feelings, I still love to listen to KOOL-108 because every time I’m Ruby I hear either Heart or Prince, and that’s not too shabby.

Tuesday as I was rolling into the garage with a truck full of groceries, John Parr’s “St. Elmo’s Fire (Man in Motion)” came on the radio. I don’t even think I heard the song past the first verse, but it has been stuck in my head ever since.

My brain has turned my life into a musical and the only song is “St. Elmo’s Fire.”

Put away the groceries? Sing this song.
Eat a taco salad? Sing this song.
Get up in the morning? Sing this song.
Finish writing an email campaign? Sing this song.
Write a post about this song? Sing this song.

My life has been nothing but new horizons, blazing skies, and eagles flying higher and higher. It’s start to drive me a little bananas. I feel like this song is holding me hostage. I think I might have to seek out the movie as some form of exorcism. I’m sure it will go as well as last time I watched it. I’m still kind of mad that Alec so flippantly began working for Republicans.

What a fuckboi* move, right? Fucking John Bender would have never done that.

*I’m not even entirely sure what a fuckboi is or if it should be spelled fuckboy. I am really living up to my out-of-touch Spinster Aunt brand right now.