I Will Commence Carving ‘Dear Chicago’ Out of My Heart

We all do it. Talking in whispers because to say it out loud might make it true. It’s kind of like a #MeToo version of a celebrity death pool. Who would really surprise you if they were outed as a misogynistic, abusive, sexually predatory dirtbag?

I thought the revelations about and subsequent resignation of Al Franken threw me for a loop.

Then news broke today that Ryan Adams is also one of the worst kinds of power-abusing dirtbags. To put it lightly, I am shattered. I’ve written frequently and with much enthusiasm about my love of Ryan Adams’ music over the nineteen-year tenure of this blog.

I’m furious and sad and guilty and sick to my stomach.

Fuck you, Ryan Adams. Fuck you. None of your songs, no matter how much or how long I loved them is worth any of the things you did to that girl and those women. None of it. Not even “Dear Chicago,” which I have a very special relationship with and according to Last.fm is the song that I have listened to the most since I joined Last.fm in 2007.

I will now commence carving “Dear Chicago” out of my heart, which sounds like it would be easy since you broke my fucking heart, but it will not be easy. It will be very difficult and I will forever mourn the loss of something that once meant so much to me.

Extra special fuck you with fiery hot sauce for this: The lawyer added that “if, in fact, this woman was underage, Mr. Adams was unaware.” He pointed to her performances in clubs and provided photos of Ava from that time, saying she looked “approximately 20.”

I say this as a woman who has looked “approximately 20″ since she was a 5’10” ten-year-old girl. A GIRL. Thanks for reminding me of all the shit I’ve put up with from men at very young age because I looked “approximately 20.”

As I read about Phoebe Bridgers tears poured from my eyes. I lover her music so much and I think of just how close it came to not happening. How many women’s voices has he silenced beyond the ones brave enough to come forth in the article.

My rage is incandescent.

Whenever a man I once admired for some reason or another is revealed to be the absolute worst, a dirtbag of epic proportions I think of a passage from Catcher in the Rye.

That’s the whole trouble. You can’t ever find a place that’s nice and peaceful, because there isn’t any. You may think there is, but once you get there, when you’re not looking, somebody’ll sneak up and write “Fuck you” right under your nose.

Goddamn you Ryan Adams for writing fuck you right under my nose.

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  1. Amanda Healy 22.Feb.19 at 1:49 pm

    Is this a bad time to bring up what a dirtbag jd salinger is?

    1. Jodi 22.Feb.19 at 2:05 pm

      Bleh. No. It’s a great time since I clearly keep forgetting it.


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