I scared myself awake shortly before 3 a.m. this morning. My heart was racing, adrenaline raging, and I had that feeling of a scream stuck in my throat. The Sleestak were after me and even though my eyes were open and I was very clearly awake I could still hear them coming.

Sometimes my subconscious is quite creative, like when it dreamed about making a mixtape with Prince. And sometimes it’s sick and wrong, recall the Uncle Joey masturbation dream.

But most of the time my subconscious is pretty mundane. Dreaming of not finding a toilet when I need to pee or being unable to shut off the alarm clock and waking to find that I have to pee or the alarm is going off.

Boring.

And, of course, last night turned out to be pretty mundane. Of course my brain didn’t realize this until I had crawled to the windows in the light of a nearly-full moon seeking the Sleestak that were chasing me. I could still hear them. Because I forgot to grab my glasses, I couldn’t actually see them.

BUT, I COULD HEAR THEM.

It was right around the time I fumbled back to bed for my glasses that my brain work up. It was then realized the sound was not from the approaching Sleestak, but rather the stupid loud sprinklers that for reasons unknown to me were extra loud and extra stupid and extra Sleestak-sounding shortly before 3 a.m. this morning.