Fan Fictions I’m Currently Writing in My Head


Jason Isbell appears on the season premiere of “Nashville” as himself and helps Deacon get off the sauce (again) and cope with his temporary paralysis. Rayna James & Isbell do a duet of “Stockholm.”

Lifetime makes a made-for-TV movie based on superblogger Dooce’s life. Taylor Schilling from “Orange is the New Black” plays the lead role. The movie ends with the Dooce-like blogger pressured by sponsors into marrying her long-distance Twitter boyfriend on a YouTube stream with copious amount of product placement. They name their first child after a new Instagram filter after Facebook pays them a cool $1.5 mill for naming rights.

John Cusack spots me in the crowd at RiotFest and, liking the cut of my jib, invites me into the supersecret celebrity area where I amuse him with my ability to recite most of the “High Fidelity” screenplay by heart. He introduces me to Joan Jett and beg her to play “Androgynous” with The ‘Mats. When she does, Johnny asks me not to die so we can go back to his place and have all the sex.

Tim Gunn sends me weekly video messages telling me how brilliant and fabulous I am and how I can totally make The Beast work.

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1 Comment

  1. Doug 25.Jul.13 at 3:19 pm

    If you aren’t going to have the sex, why bother?


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