Sadly, I don’t have a child I can exploit for humorous purposes. But I do have me, and when I saw Reasons My Son is Crying I laughed and then I thought I could totally do a tumblr just like that only it would be about me, because of the aforementioned childlessness. I cry a lot. In fact, I have started that post about 88 times but then never finished it because I am fickle and easily bored.

Also today I am cranky as fuck and we all know the only way to alleviate the crank is to whine about it incessantly. Okay, I’ll go first you can join in at the end.

• The sun hasn’t shone in about 100 days. Also it’s supposed to snow on Thursday.
• The sinuses in the left side of my face are trying to escape my face.
• SuperT was out of their knock-off, meth-grade allergy meds so I had to get the expensive Claritin-D. Do I look like I’m the richest queen in all the land Target? Can’t you see the stain on this shirt I’ve been wearing for three days? Rich queens do not wear stained shirts multiple days in a row, duh.
• Also the SuperT that I don’t go to very often didn’t have the same kind of feta cheese I get at my usual UnSuperT.
• There was no soft butter to put on my banana bread.
• People who have Twitter conversations wrong because they do dumb things like: “You’re right, @blahusernameperson whatever I am talking about has no relevance to anyone but you however now all the people who follow me will see this because I’m an asshole who uses twitter wrong.”
• I call this mood melancholy & the infinite sadness because I love that phrase, but I hate the Smashing Pumpkins with a passion so then my love for that phrase is confusing.
• Mad Men season premiere a.k.a. What the fuck?
• Social Media check-ins. Still. Come on people it’s 2013 knock it off.
• I forgot to buy a salad spinner at SuperT.
• Last night my sister said I was hard to shop for because she doesn’t know what to get me for my birthday when I already told her nine times that I want a Spirograph. Also, I am easy to shop for because I love all the things except for those things I hate which mostly have to do with Garfield and stupid things people say like “at the end of the day” and “it is what it is” and “just sayin’.”
• My feet are cold even though I am wearing socks.
• Wearing socks
• That it’s 4:42 p.m. and this is the only thing I’ve done that feels remotely productive.
• I forgot to roast red peppers for my salad.

You know what else helps with the crank? Billy Bragg.

That is all. Your turn.

UPDATE: It is now 7:44 p.m. and I feel much better. The airing of the crank totally works.