dear mr. doughty el delicioso,

hi, it’s me jodi. remember me? freakishly tall butt shaker standing in the back of first ave sending you her patented Make Sweet Sweet Love to Me Vibes™ — yeah, that’s me.

so anyway mr. object of my demented affection, i have a bone to pick with you. this shouldn’t come as any shock to you, but you’re at the very tippy-top of the Imaginary Boyfriend List. perhaps you don’t see what a prestigious honor this is, but it totally totally is. there are at least four other men who would kill to be anywhere on the Imaginary Boyfriend List, much less the tippy-top.

but, mr. doughty, i have to tell you your status as the tippy-top is quite precarious at the moment. while it is fine and dandy for members of the Imaginary Boyfriend list to have a girlfriend and/or wife and/or boyfriend (though, i would like to state for the record we would prefer you not have these things). it is not, however, okay to talk about it on your website. you’re totally harshing the masturbatory buzz. that’s not a good thing mr. doughty and anyone who enjoyed their spot on the Imaginary Boyfriend List would cut that crap post haste.

capiche?

thank you for your attention to this matter.

love you lots,
jodi

p.s. to the rest of the internet. if mr. doughty does not see fit to cave to my list of demands, i’ll be taking applications for the imaginary boyfriend list. feel free to forward your resume and cover letter to jodi@iwilldare.com.