the itchy nipples of fire should have been clue enough

ever since i moved in september my monthly clock has been all fucked up. and though i didn’t really miss the PMS, i kinda hated the random let’s get our period at the most inconvienent times ever like when we’re in canada-ness of not being so regular.

now, since i totally have dibs on 06 being my year, my body is going to sabotage me again. see, it’s gonna go back to the bad-old days where we get our period within the firs week of the month. see, that blows, because my birthday is the first week of the month and this year that day is 06.06.06.

but that’s not the point. the point is that, i should have known something was up. i think i’ve had about six orgasms so far this new year, and then about 15 minutes ago i got mad at Kathleen Turner Overdrive. i got mad at an iPod. and because that wasn’t irrational enough, i got mad at KTO because the songs it kept shuffling up all started ‘too loudly and too abruptly.’ the songs were starting too abruptly. my ears could only handle songs that started softly and subtley. this pretty much rules out about 85% of KTO’s 5,605 songs.

i’ve spent the night skipping furiously over most of the songs, yelping at any song that started with a big drum crash or a loud guitar and opting instead for most anything my sufjan stevens, death cab for cutie and the occassional bob dylan for a little variety. oh and doing everything i can not to move my torso at all lest the itchy nipples of fire brush against anything and i am sent crashing to my knees writhing in pain.

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1 Comment

  1. Placemat 04.Jan.06 at 10:49 am

    If you ever leave your day job & start a band, you MUST name it “Itchy Nipples of Fire”.

    & All your songs can start off slow & soft.


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