earlier this week, sister #2 and i were chatting on the phone. i had just called her because our weird cousin Keith had randomly knocked on my door (more on that later).
after we were done dishing about the fam, bridezilla, and Assasination Vacation by Sarah Vowell we started talking about our web sites. i guess someone had hit her site googling for, as she said, “jodi chromey in quotes!”
i told her how it always creeped me out a little when someone went to iwilldare.com using my full name. it’s just weird. i always assume that whomever is doing that search is looking for me, and yet i hear from nobody.
from there we moved on to discussing the people in our life who read our web sites. i mentioned how i thought it was a little weird that a few of our cousins read iwilldare.com on quite a regular basis, as well as a few of my sisters’ freinds.
“of course they do,” sister #2 said. “it’s like voyeurism.”
“i’m a voyeur as much as anyone else,” i said. “but i think there are just some things i don’t want to know about my family. that’s why when i helped you set up your site, i asked if you wanted me to read it.”
she, obviously, doesn’t mind if i read the site and totally understands why i don’t want my sisters to read my site. she was a little amazed that i was creeped out by anyone reading my site.
“you have so many readers, it surprises me that it bothers you when some people do read it,” she said.
“yeah, it just gets a little different when it’s people who know you online and offline,” i said.
“do a lot of your friends read iwilldare?” she asked.
“oh sure, tons of them read it. sometimes i get offended if they don’t read it.”
“i always get mad at Tiff (one of sister #2’s BFFs, who is a law student and mother of 2) when she reads my site and doesn’t talk to me,” she said.
“oh, i know i hate when people do that,” i said.
“i told her she can only read it as long as she still talks to me!”
“i have a lot of people who do that to me,” i said. “they read iwilldare and think that’s staying in touch, keeping up.”
“those people don’t care about you,” she said. “those are people who want to know your business and don’t want to share their life with you.”
“yeah,” i said.
“i mean there are tons of people who i want to know what they’re doing, i want to know their business, but i really want to know them,” she said.
“i know,” i said and sighed. “it’s just some of those people, those who only read iwilldare and sort of ignore me, i want them in my life. and what’s the worst! the absolute worst is that there are those who were sharing your life, were your friends, and then decided to sort of drop out AND THEY STILL READ THE WEB SITE! it’s like they decided you were too much work but they still wanted to keep up.”
“those are the worst,” she said. “you need to realize that it has nothing to do with you and that those people are selfish.”
“it just makes me feel so much like i don’t matter,” i said.
“selfish,” she said. “you don’t need people who don’t care about you in your life.”