when we last left bridezilla and supergenius, they were dueling it out over the tacky invitations. well sunday, right before the oscars, the invitation issue reared it’s ugly head.

“we picked out an invitation,” bridezilla said. i, the supergenius, smiled wanly and repeated to herself the sage advice given to me by sister #3 during the SJBT the day before. ‘just because she asks for your opinion doesn’t mean she actually wants it.’
“oh?” i said. trying to feign some sort of enthusiasm mixed with curiousity.
“yeah, we’re going with the drawing ones,” bridezilla said.

NO! not the almost-as-tacky drawing ones, i thought to myself. they’re hideous. they have a child-like crayon drawing of a bride and groom on them and talk about how the happy couple was ‘drawn’ together. get it? get it? yeah, if you’re lucky you won’t be getting one in the mail.

“oh these are cute,” i said, giving bridezilla my best stepford sister smile.

“so what do you think about the sunflower idea?” she asked.

as the warning lights started to blink, i tried to compose myself. her idea is to have each bridesmaid carry a single sunflower instead of a bouquet of flowers. in her warped bizzaro bride world, the bright yellow, green and brown of a sunflower will compliment the orangey dresses perfectly. i searched my mind for something completely bland to say. actually i was just looking for something to say, something that wasn’t my honest opinion.

“oh, i don’t know,” i said. “if that’s what you want, that’s what you should do.”
“sister #2 thinks the sunflower idea is stupid,” bridezilla said.
“well, will they be huge giant sunflowers in bloom?” i asked.
“yes,” she said. “they’d just carry one flower.”
“oh,” i said. “will the flower’s face be straight up?”
“no, it’ll face forward. you think it’s stupid don’t you? you can just say it’s stupid if you think it’s stupid.” she was backing me into a corner, because cleary she has some sort of weird ninja-bride skills.
“i don’t know,” i said. “i think i’d have to see it.”
“i think it’ll be beautiful,” aunt cappy, who lives with bridezilla and my parents said.
“oh, look at this dress,” i said, grabbing the nearest bride magazine. “someone must like this one it’s marked.”

then she went on to talk about dresses and finding one that’s flattering to everyone, and the near-crisis was averted.

i clearly won this one. but things are about to get even more treacherous for our brave-hearted hero, supergenius. on thursday the sister club escorts bridezilla to a dress fitting and purchasing. i had no idea one needed an entourage for such an event. but clearly, you do.