you know you’re in some kind of weird emotional situation when you start finding the deep, deep personal meaning in joni mitchell songs. tonight it’s “the river.” god, i love this song. especially this time of year, with the holidays nearly upon us (yes, october 20, and i’m worried about the holidays).

tonight i wish i had a river that i could skate away on. it’s one of those nights where i’m very much not in love with adulthood. i just want to be a stupid 22-year-old who can run and run and run away from all her problems. i was a very good runner like that when i was a kid. but now, i can’t skate away.

i keep trying to put it out of my mind for a week. just a week i try to barter with my brain, wait until this god-awful period is over and then we can get to the task of dealing with life and the acquistion and our lack of love life and just exactly what we’ll do with the rest of our life come january. for a week i wish i could just focus on something else. but of course the old brain will have none of that. no the brain it wants to figure everything out rightthissecond. and that would be all well and good, if it weren’t for the emotions. i mean, really on a good day i’m sort of an emotional basketcase, flitting from one thing to the next. but during the hellweek of the month, it’s postively bleak. because during this week we flit from depressed to blue to melancholy to mean red to infintie sadness to dismal to despondent and then right back again. this is clearly no time to be dealing with the BIG THINGS THAT AFFECT YOUR LIFE.

got it brain?