I woke up from a dream and I looked for rain. The dream it didn’t fade as quickly as I would have liked. I’ve had a series of dream this week that involve sex with my male friends. I have no idea what any of it means, perhaps I need to get laid.
Upon waking and shaking off the bad dream that involved Ben Jones and his wife and darlingjason nearly having sex with a beautiful blonde, I checked my e-mail, read my horoscopes, checked my message boards, and played freecell for entirely longer than I want to admit. Having already bored myself at 10:00 a.m. I decided it’d be a good idea to eat some breakfast while watching ‘Finding Nemo.’ That was fun for about 45 minutes. Then I checked my e-mail again and played freecell.
After a bit I decided that was just too big of a waste of time and decided to take a shower. Having cleansed my body, hair, teeth and soul, I decided to cleanse my apartment. I started the laundry and took out the garbage, only to discover that I wore mismatching shoes to the store yesterday. I checked my e-mail again. Vacuuming, dishes, and putting the clothes in the dryer. I paused for a long time outside of apartment 110 wondering if they were ever going to miss their Sunday paper. But I couldn’t do that. So I went back to my place and plopped on the fabulous blue couch with Eat, Shoots & Leaves. I read that for a full 45 minutes, until it was time to get the clothes. Since my jeans and towels weren’t quite dry, I plopped in 75′ and set them for another cycle. Having folded the clothes, I put them away. Or sort of away, away meaning I stacked them semi-neatly on top of that shelf thing, and dumped the clean undies into the basket on the floor with the rest of the clean undies that hadn’t been worn this past week.
It’s hot in here.
Sat down to check my e-mail, still none. None all day. Decided to play bookworm and wonder how I got that knot that seems to have formed under my right shoulder blade.
Grew bored with bookworm and went back to the fabulous blue couch for more Eat, Shoots & Leaves.
After a bit I decided the clothes should be dry and went to fetch them. Pondered again in front of apartment 110 only to go get the jeans and towels. I folded them all proper like and came back home, sans someone else’s Sunday paper.
Decided it was time for lunch and made some cheese and crackers, opened a short story and stared at it endlessly without touching the keyboard once. Checked me e-mail, still none.
Grew bored with the inability to write and decided to masturbate. Went to the bedroom for orgasmathon 2004, it was fun and decided to take a nap. It was 3:15.
Slept until 4:45 and wondered where the cats were, I hadn’t seen them in ages. Went to the bathroom only to be joined by both of them, that solved that dilemma.
Tried to write some more and that didn’t work. I got out The Point and Other Stories and re-read ‘Jacinta’ because I liked it so much the first time. Decided to do something productive and worked on Bonnie’s birthday game that I have to have done for her happy hour on Thursday. Watched “Kill Bill Vol. 2” while working on the game, until I grew bored again. I decided that supper might be in order. Stood in front of the open refrigerator trying to decide what to eat. After much hemming and hawing settled on weenie wraps and a salad. Weenie wrap preparation took approximately 7 minutes. Decided to check e-mail again, still nothing.
Upon weenie wrap baking completion took the plate the living room with the Dawson’s Creek Series Finale on DVD. Watched it again for the 932 time. After I was done eating, I took the plate out to the kitchen and checked e-mail. Once the episode of Dawson’s Creek was over, decided it would be a good idea to just watch favorite scenes all over again.
Then decided to check e-mail again, still nothing.
Wondered if the TTHM was home and if he’s missed me. I haven’t talked to him in over a week but didn’t call because I knew Masterpiece Theatre would be on soon and he doesn’t talk during Masterpiece Theatre.
Worked on the game some more and decided to check e-mail. Nothing.
Read Eat, Shoots & Leaves while waiting for the ‘This American Life’ to come on. Realized that I haven’t spoken to a single human since I left the grocery store at 11:30 a.m. yesterday morning. Wondering if my voice still works. Sang along to ‘On the Road’ again. Voice still works.
Decided it would be a good idea to apply not one but two coats of clean nail polish while listening to ‘This American Life.’ While waiting for the first coat to dry, decided to check e-mail. Nada.
Went back to the couch and applied the second coat. Waved hands around to expedite drying process while listening about George Burns.
After ‘This American Life’ and with nails completely dry, I paced about the apartment a bit and decided to stand in front of the closet and ponder cleaning it out. After deciding not to, I decided that a drink was in order. After all, it’s so damn hot in there.
Pulled ice cube out of the bag and sniffed it. Does ice smell funny when it gets old? Decided it’s ok and poured two parts Captain Morgan to one part Diet Coke with lime into a glass, stirred with pink bendy straw, sat down and began to write. No censoring allowed.