Hi Darling Ones,

I’m not saying that I’m hooked into the pulse of the universe, but I’m not not saying that either.

Exhibit A: On August 10th, I wrote about my dream all-female tribute to The Replacements. On August 11th, those same Replacements announced the 40th Anniversary release of “Sorry Ma, Forgot to Take Out the Trash.”

Exhibit B: On August 19th, I wrote about my favorite movie “Almost Famous.” On August 20th, Rolling Stone publishes “Stillwater Runs Deep,” which is supposed to be the article William Miller wrote after “Almost Famous” and is also the greatest thing to happen on the Internet this week. I could name 15 things I love about the article, but my favorite is that Russell Hammond is from Sheboygan, Wisconsin. I love this because in all the fiction I write I have at least one character from Oconomowoc. Wisconsin towns are really the best towns to be from.

Obviously, I’m in tune with something going on in the great cosmos. Or I have finally developed the stupidest psychic powers of all time.

That’s all I got today. It was a rough one and I ate my feelings. Lucky for me all my feelings were donuts.

Love,
Jodi

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Dear Darling Ones,

Not long ago I confessed to how many of The Replacements’ lyrics I use in my every day life. It’s an embarrassing amount.

Lest you think I am a one-trick 6’5″ Spinster Goddess, I decided to share with you the everyday “Almost Famous” quotes that have become part of my personal vernacular. In case you live under a rock, “Almost Famous” is a 2000 Cameron Crowe movie about a teenage reporter going on assignment for Rolling Stone with the almost famous band Stillwater. It is one of the best movies of all time according to me, and I can recite the entire movie by heart because I watched this, “High Fidelity,” or “Shakespeare in Love” almost every night from 2001-2008 when I lived in Prior Lake and didn’t have cable or over-the-air TV and only had my DVD player for televisionary entertainment.

I’m always at home. I’m uncool.

I used this one on my nephew this week when he had to postpone our lunch plans. He responded, “I’m always at home, but I think we’re both pretty cool.” He also included a smiley emoji with hearts swirling around it. I explained it was a quote from a movie. He did not care even a little bit.

Jim Morrison? He’s a drunken buffoon posing as a poet.

“Give me the Guess Who. They got the courage to be drunken buffoons, which makes them poetic.” I fucking hate The Doors and will give this little spiel whenever they come up anywhere. I’m fun at parties!

I am a golden god.

I say this one any day I get a sub-one-minute time on the NY Times Mini Crossword. It happens a lot. Last week I had six sub-minute times. Usually, I toss up some rock & roll fingers and shout “I am a golden god!” Then I point at Wendell, my cat, and say, “And you can tell Rolling Stone magazine.” I don’t finish the quote because I’m not on drugs.”

It’s all happening.

I say this when anything happens at all ever in my vicinity. It probably does not surprise you that I don’t use this one very much. I’m the mayor of nothing happens.

Be honest, and unmerciful.

This one is a reminder for me when I’m writing. It doesn’t always work, but I at least think about being honest and unmerciful.

You are rebellious and ungrateful of my love.

I said that one thirty-six seconds ago to Wendell, who has climbed on top of the plant-laden bookcase that really does not have room for his furry ass.

I look for the guy who isn’t getting off, and I make him get off. Actually, that you can print.

I probably say this one more often than all the rest because I say it in my head every time I finish a post here on I Will Dare dot com.

Making you get off,
Jodi

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Hi Darling Ones,

Guess which 6’5″ Spinster Goddess of Minnesota finally landed a vaccination appointment? It’s me! Thanks to eagle-eyed Sister #2 who spotted a tweet from my former (and hopefully future) State Representative Brad Tabke* I scooped up an appointment at Canterbury Park for Thursday.

I am so relieved.

That’s all I got today. My brain is foggy from endless rain and a messed up sleep schedule, so I don’t have a lot of words right now. My whole goal today was to not take a nap in hopes I can get the ZZZzzzs back to normal. It has not been easy, the nap avoidance, even though I slept like ten hours last night.

My big plans for the night are to watch “Almost Famous” in celebration of it all happening and eating a salad. I know, you all wonder how I afford this rock & roll lifestyle. It’s not easy. I’m hard to keep up with.

Tomorrow I might be more interesting. Now we all have something to look forward to,
Jodi

*I really like Brad Tabke, and I’ve voted for him many times. I’m still kind of angry that he lost to a guy who Sister #4 went to high school with and said about, “he’s an idiot!” I hate the dude and every time he acts like a total buffoon, which is frequently, I throw money at Tabke’s campaign.

The post The COVID Diaries: It’s All Happening appeared first on I Will Dare.

Hello Darling Ones,

I’ve seen the bootleg cut of “Almost Famous” so many times that I can’t remember which scenes are from the extended version and not included in the regular movie. In general, this doesn’t cause too many problems in my life because I’m the only psychopath I know who has the movie memorized.

The memorization of this movie only becomes an issue if someone has the misfortune of mentioning Jim Morrison^* in my presence, then I have to go into: “Jim Morrison? He’s a drunken buffoon posing as a poet. Give me the Guess Who. They’ve got the courage to be drunken buffoons which makes them poetic.”

Oh, and on a daily basis I say to Wendell when he wants to be pet longer than I want to pet him, “Look, I can’t stand here all day talking to my many fans.” He never gets the reference.

This is all preface to say I don’t know if the Zooey Deschanel scene where she says “This song explains why I’m leaving home to become a stewardess” is in the bootleg or regular version. The song is “America” by Simon & Garfunkel and at the end of the scene Zooey says, “One day you’ll be cool.”

Today while I was doing things to make me feel better^** the song “Solitude Standing” by Suzanne Vega shuffled up. It simultaneously made me think of that scene in “Almost Famous” and me trying to explain to my 12th grade humanities class why this song meant so much to me. I was going re-tell the story, but it looks like I did an okayish job of explaining that whole thing in 2012. However, remembering this whole thing has made me wonder are some people just preternaturally lonely? Because I know I didn’t say it in 1990, but fuck I loved this song because it made being a loner seem like a superpower.

Anyway, sometimes I hate having a 20-year-old blog because I’m pretty sure I’ve told all the stories I have that are worth telling.

Repeatedly Yours,
Jodi
 
*Today I finished the phenomenal Janis: Her Life and Music by Holly George-Warren, and in it I learned that Janis said Jim Morrison was a shitty lover. I am unsurprised and yet delighted by this.
 
**I was making Thai red curry chicken noodle soup because making soup is how I take care of myself.

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She has announced on every occasion since then she is a ‘tween.’ Which means, she’ll tell you, that she’s between being a kid and being a teenager. Apparently this has nothing to do with a ‘tweener’ which is the Bud Light that Opie orders every Friday between beer frames.

Whenever Jaycie waxes poetic about her tween status, I go all Elaine Miller from ‘Almost Famous’ on her.

“There’s no such thing as tween,” I tell her. “It’s all just a marketing gimmick.”
“What?” she asks, while shaking her dangly earrings at me.
“It’s a marketing gimmick,” I say. “They call you a tween so they have a better way to message products to you to make you want to buy them, or beg your parents to buy them for you.”

Usually, by the time I get the word marketing out of my mouth she has stopped listening to me and started watching the latest episode of Hannah Montana.

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