+6 minute songs: musical masturbation that should not be forced upon my ears or musical genius you stupid word-needing heathen? discuss.
The 5% nation of umbrellas in my pink froufrou drinks
Spring fever struck about 30 minutes ago. It’s pretty bad. Suddenly my skin doesn’t fit right and all I want to do is drink pink frofrou things with umbrellas, stay out later than I should, and have sex with strange men I hardly know. Basically on the eve of my 34th birthday (exactly three weeks from today) I’ve decided I want to be 22. And in keeping with the mood of being 22, I’ve loaded up Kathleen Turner Overdrive with…
The fortune-telling apple
It has come to my attention that I am seriously lacking in crush victims. Now that class is over, I got nothing. Men have dried up. So please alert the internet that I am currently accepting applications for a Crush. Being my Crush is easy. You only have to pay attention to me like every 3 or 4 days and say something slightly suggestive, hinting that perhaps you do dig me. We should probably have something in common, books, music,…
Somewhere there’s a place in hell with her name on it
I arrived at work at 8:29 this morning for a meeting. I don’t do well with 8:30 meetings. My brain usually doesn’t function until about 9:30 and I generally don’t speak until 10. The 10 o’clock rule is known through out the land, because even my Canuckian boss doesn’t call me before 10. So when Jayto, the woman I wish was my boss, called an 8:30 meeting for this morning I was none too pleased. But, being the good corporate…
This is a house of lies
For Mother’s Day Jaycie gave Sister #2 some helping hands. On the hands she wrote things like “I will give you a hand folding the londrer.” I think the other two hands had something to do with making dinner and putting away clothes. I’m not quite sure. Jaycie went on to explain that when her mom needs help, she, Jaycie, will give her a hand. “Oh she will not,” Max said. “Those hands are nothing but lies!” Jaycie burst into…
Jodi and the problem of the misplaced apple chunks
I’ve decided to live my life today as though I were the precocious star of a well-loved children’s book. That means every obstacle I face, no matter how minor, will be a huge ordeal. It also means that all my problems will be solved by the time I rest my tired head on my pillow tonight. It promises to be a most-rewarding day, don’t you think? So now the main problem facing our protagonist is the the misplaced apple chunks….