It has come to my attention that I am seriously lacking in crush victims. Now that class is over, I got nothing. Men have dried up. So please alert the internet that I am currently accepting applications for a Crush. Being my Crush is easy. You only have to pay attention to me like every 3 or 4 days and say something slightly suggestive, hinting that perhaps you do dig me. We should probably have something in common, books, music, a healthy attitude towards frequent loud sex, you know something like that. I like men with passion so you should probably have something you’re really geeky about, preferably not anything related to Lord of the Rings, Star Wars or Star Trek, because that shit’s lost on me. If you have dark hair, that’s awesome, or if you’re tall even awesomer, and the awesomest of all would be if your name started with a ‘J’ because I just twisted the stem off my apple and I got the letter J, which means I’m destined to marry a Julian, Joerg, Jeff, Jason or Jomama.
If you have any questions regarding this position, please leave them in the comments below.
Is Julio Iglesias available?
Dear UH, you can officially retire from the matchmaking business.
love, jodi
Come on, he’s dark-haired, got a “J” name – he may even like loud sex, for all we know.
‘course, he is only like 5’7.
and he’s like 83 years old!
AND, if you’re gonna be under 6′ you better have some magical hips ifyouknowwhatimean.
Jerry Seinfeld?
married and he has a large head. you people are bad at this! the least you could do is bring up impossibilities like johnny depp, james spader, and joshua jackson, sheesh.
Jimmy Smits?
You ready to be fucked, man?