Hi Darling Ones,

I spent most of the week sulking. The glasses I pinned all my hopes on turned out not to be the panacea I dreamed it would be.

Turns out that while I can see clearer than before, which is a good thing, the distortion caused by the edema or the retinopathy is still a giant pain in the ass. Also, according to Dr. Google it could take awhile to adjust to the progressive lenses. Also, according to the wise doctor a lot of the things progressives may make you feel (like your eyes are swimmy, wobbly, etc.) are exactly the same way having a stroke has made me feel.

I’m having a bummer of a week. I went to the doctor Tuesday and things did nt go the way I wanted them to go. Nothing went wrong and I did’t get bad news, per se. It’s that I want the A+ in all things. Diabetes, blood pressure, stroke recovery and I DID NOT get A+s. I got A-s and I hate it.

So that on top of the glasses not solving all my problems has left me mopey. A+ in brooding.

I still have debilitating knee pain because of the arthritis. My blood pressure is still high. I’m still unable to discern signs of legit health concerns (blood sugar dipping dangerously low) and things that are just off because of the stroke. When things inside your body always feel wrong, you start to ignore everything. Nobody has declared their undying love for me. I’ve not discovered I’m some kind of billionaire heiress.

I continue to be broke and broken.

While I sulk, I keep whining about how I just need the universe to cut me one little break.

But, I don’t. I’m very fortunate. It’s hard. Gratitude and sulkiness don’t play well together.My Gemini nature demands I try to recognize both sides of everything. I can be both sulky and grateful.

I just I really just really really really really want one thing to go my way in this arena, but it did not happen and I’ve been sulking.

However, something did happen to prove the universe is wonderful and magical, and I have the best people in my life

My rest of my niece’s Christmas gift to me arrived. On Christmas Day she gave me a box with a soft, fuzzy grey scarf she crocheted herself. I immediately burst into tears. She said, “I made this for you because you’re the one who taught me how to crochet and it’s the first thing I ever finished.”

All of the tears.

She also told me she made a record for me of songs that remind her for me. It arrived yesterday before physical therapy.

More tears.

It is amazing. It has Modest Mouse and Counting Crows and Joan Jett and Liz Phair. It features a lot of songs on a mix CD I made for Jaycie and Max when they were kids. We listened to it all the time when I babysat them and we’d tool around in Ruby running errands and eating car breakfast.

The cover art features a picture of us when she was little. And, my eyebrows? Seriously, check out those ridiculous eyebrows. The aughts were not kind to eyebrows.

This record is in the top five most thoughtful gifts I’ve ever received. right up there with the signed Vonnegut and the 10 wheat pennies.

Sulky but fortunately yours,
Jodi