Not a Competitive Sport

Hey Darling Ones,

Today I finished Blanket #29 (pictured above). It is lovely and I cannot wait to give it the recipient who is not expecting it.

Whenever I finish a blanket I feel simultaneously proud of my accomplishment and a little shitty because past criticism always echoes in my head.

Years ago at a Family Dinner, my nephew’s girlfriend complimented me on a blanket I made. Maybe she also called me creative, I don’t remember the compliments. I just remember Sister #3 saying, quite derisively, “She only makes one a year.”

I didn’t know what to say in the moment, well, or now. How many blankets does the average person make in a year?

The other criticism I think about probably wasn’t even directed exactly at me, but because I am the giant ball of gas the universe revolves around I think it was about me.

This was a tweet someone made in the COVID lockdown days. This married parent said that when single people brag on Twitter about all the things they make it makes them feel shitty.

And I didn’t say that when people brag about all the love and happiness their partner and kids bring them it makes me feel shitty.

It doesn’t, because I try not to think of life as a competitive sport, but come on.

I’m a single spinster who wants people to remember I exist, and sometimes I do that by bragging about things I make. Namely patty melts and blankets. I like to make things and I like to brag. I don’t have a lot in my life, you gotta give me this one.

You really gotta give me this one, because I’m struggling. I can’t seem to shake the emotion hangover brought on by Danny’s funeral. I spent most of this week as a sadness zombie feeling and doing very little.

Feeling nothing is scary for me. Usually I feel 894 things a day, and a week of nothingness is hard to take. However, as I type this I’ve become super weepy, which is kind of a relief. I guess?

So I made a blanket, felt shitty about it, and now I’m going to go make a dinner that kind of scares me.

We have fun, don’t we?

Jodi

(Visited 1 times, 1 visits today)

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.