Dear Darling Ones,
I turned all the rotten bananas chilling in my freezer into banana bread today. I needed the hit of smug superiority along with feelings of productivity and also taking care of myself.
Flossing and banana bread are the two things guaranteed to fill me with sanctimony. So does taking the high road in most situations, however I hate when my high road taking goes unrecognized so that one’s a little complicated.
I needed the hit because I’ve been feeling like pond scum. Today I finished Anita Hill’s book Believing: Our Thirty-Year Journey to End Gender Violence. It was a lot. I actually thought about giving up halfway through, but then I thought if Anita Hill can carry all this for thirty years I can read one book about it.
That was not my best idea because, boy, am I down in a hole. The book is infuriating and frustrating, and Anita Hill is full of grace and hope which helped some. However, I have been remembering every shitty come on and scary incident and mistreatment of my body that’s ever happened. From the times was twelve up until 2015 when I had to scream at a man to get him to leave my house.
Then this morning I woke up sad from a sweet and confusing dream. It was sweet because in the dream one of my crushes liked me back and it felt really good. It was confusing because Sister #3, who unsubscribed from the Sister Club in March 2020, was in it. She was humiliating me under her usual guise of being funny/honest in front of the crush and the rest of our family. Thanks, subconscious.
So, I needed a win and that win took the form of banana bread. I might floss my teeth before bed so I can be the best person you know just for this one day.