The COVID Diaries: Not-So-Hot Tamales

Hello Darling Ones,

I did zero things today. I did the bare minimum a human can do and continue to exist on this planet. Basically that means I fed myself and breathed. I did not create anything. I didn’t have any interesting thoughts. I did, however, listen to “Brimful of Asha” by Cornershop about 29 times. I don’t know what’s going on with my brain but it only wants to listen to one-hit wonders from the 90s. Also, to only read books I’ve already read. It doesn’t even really want to watch tv at all.

Not gonna lie, this wasn’t entirely unpleasant. It was nice to not be cranky or sad or bored or lonely. It was nice to be nothing for a day. If I were a cookie, I’d be a sugar cookie. If I were ice cream, I’d be vanilla. If I were a band, I’d be Imagine Dragons*. If I were a condiment, I’d be ketchup. If I were a spice, I’d be flour (That joke, totally ripped off from “Bob’s Burgers). If I were a disappointing Christmas candy I bought in the effort to feel the teeniest amount of joy during this wretched season, I’d be a Mike & Ike’s Hot Tamales’ candy cane.

Those candy canes are stinkers. I was hoping to find something to replace my beloved Red Hots Candy Canes, but these did not fit the bill. A little known Jodi Chromey Fun Fact: I love weaponized cinnamon candy. I keep a small bag of atomic fireballs on the back of the couch. I got some cinnamon Altoids in my bag. If we ever makeout there’s a 48% chance I’ll taste like cinnamon. There’s a 52% chance I’ll taste like tacos.

That’s all I got today. If I were a blog post, I’d be this one.

*I have no clue about Imagine Dragons music, but it sounded like something that might be moderately popular and boring and inoffensive. I might also be thinking of Tame Impala. I totally should have used Dawes as my example, but it’s too late now.

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